Hi Lucia,

I am always confused as why women have two contradictory standards for having sex with a man. Most women (when they meet your average guy) say they want to get to know you, and take it slow. However, when this same woman meets her "fantasy man" (a wealthy guy, a powerful guy, the Italian Romeo with an accent), suddenly she is more that willing to have sex with him on the first date, no questions asked.

Why can’t she take the time to get to know "Romeo" before jumping into bed with him, just like she told "Average Joe?" It’s very contradictory and does not make any sense to me. Furthermore, it’s disingenuous. By the way, most men do not have this contradictory standard for having sex with a woman. If I am attracted to the girl who works at the grocery store earning $10 an hour, I don’t have a different standard for sleeping with her versus Britney Spears or Paris Hilton.


Dear Sam,

Congratulations, you’ve discovered the double standard for men! If there can be a "ds" or double standards for women (if they sleep around they’re loose; if men sleep around, they’re just being men), then this is the "ds" for men. However, my experience has often been the reverse. A girl will sleep with a guy that she doesn’t see as having long-term potential sooner than she will with a guy she thinks may be a serious boyfriend or potential husband. This is because of the original "ds" of not wanting to be seen as promiscuous by someone that may eventually become her husband.

In the example you mentioned, it’s obvious that these women are blinded by wealth, power or an accent and don’t have enough faith in themselves to make the guy wait as they normally would. They probably figure there’s a lot of competition for these guys and they better do what they can to make sure they don’t lose them. This, of course, usually has the opposite effect, but that’s a story for another day.

Yes, I know men don’t have a double standard when it comes to bedding women – after all, they’re just being men, right?

Dear Lucia,

Is it cause to consider breaking up with a man because he won’t say, "I love you," when our relationship is almost perfect? As in, we spend all of our time together, never fight, talk about everything, have great sex and more.

—Suzie K.

Dear Suzie,

I really doubt that your relationship is almost perfect unless you’ve been dating for a very short time. If that’s the case, then he probably feels it’s too soon to say it. Or maybe he just doesn’t feel it, yet. By the way, why are you spending all your time together? Don’t you have a life? That may be the reason why he hasn’t said it. Men start to realize that they love you when they start to miss you. If you’re always around, you’re not giving him a chance to miss you. Ease up dear, and see what happens.

What are some things that would make a guy not approach a girl when she is always friendly and has shown interest? If the guy is shy, does the saying still stand that if a guy really likes you, he’ll do whatever he can to get you?

—Lucy L.

Dear Lucy,

Yes, a guy that wants you will go to the ends of the earth to have you. The best example of this is when King Edward VIII gave up the throne of England in order to marry Wallis Simpson. Don’t make excuses for a guy that isn’t showing interest. He may already have a girlfriend or he’s just not interested. Find out more about him and go from there.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Lucia will be speaking at Cal State Dominguez Hills on Tuesday, Sept. 28 at 7 p.m. in the Student Union.

For more info: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theartoflove/