This week I’d like to talk about everyone’s favorite topic: Players. Eventually, we’ll all either play or be played. I’d like to give the inside scoop on how to handle these guys, and yes, I’m going to make this gender specific. Can women be players too? Absolutely, but they usually aren’t. Even if they were, most guys wouldn’t care.

I have only one problem with players, and that is, that they won’t admit that they’re seeing other women – the basic definition of a player. If they would just tell the women that they are not exclusive, sure, they would lose a few along the way, but for the most part, the women would stay, thinking, as women always do, that they’ll be the ones to change him. Yeah, right.

Here are the rules for dealing with players:

1. Assume any guy that asks you out is a player. A little harsh, I know, but at this point, we need to assume guilt until innocence is proven. You don’t have the facts yet, so start from this viewpoint.

2. Find out for sure. Most players follow the same routine– they don’t return calls, they don’t call when they say they will, they have sudden changes of plans, they have to cancel suddenly, they have weird excuses, they’re not where they said they would be. If you start to suspect someone might be playing, they probably are. One way to find out is to say, in your sweetest voice: "I can’t believe you’re seeing just me. You’re so handsome and charming; I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re seeing several women. It’s all right if you are." In many cases, his defenses will come down and he’ll admit it.

3. Once you know for sure that he’s a player, you need to decide if you want to play. Don’t date him hoping that he’ll change, because he most likely won’t. If you’re not looking for a serious relationship and have time to hang around and play, then go ahead. If, however, you’re looking for the love of your life, don’t waste your time – no matter how charming he is.

4. Don’t take them seriously. If you’ve decided you have time to spare and are going to "play" for awhile, think of the player as you would a child. If a child throws a tantrum, or says something hurtful, you deal with it calmly. Don’t bother getting angry with a player. It’s just a waste of energy and makes them feel more important.

If you want to play a player, it’s actually very easy. After dating many players myself, I realized the character trait that makes one a player is also the one which makes one vulnerable to being played. What is it you ask? Insecurity. A player doesn’t tell his women that he’s seeing others because he’s afraid they’ll leave. His biggest fear is losing you.

How do you work this to your advantage? By making him think it’s a real possibility. Behave toward him as he does toward you. Players hate it when you don’t return calls, aren’t home when they call, when you mention other guys – you get the picture.

I speak from experience. I caused one guy to sob hysterically when I told him I was seeing someone else. Another player climbed a tree outside my apartment to try to find out why I’d stopped returning his calls. I reduced another one to a frustrated mess, forcing him to seek advice from his famous rap star friend on how to win me over.

So there you have it, a guide to playing with players. Have fun!


Dear Lucia,

What are some things that would make a guy not approach a girl when she is always friendly and has shown interest? If the guy is shy, does the saying still stand – if a guy really likes you, he would do whatever he can to get you?

—Lucy L.

Dear Lucy,

Yes, a guy that wants you will go to the ends of the earth to have you. The best example of this is when King Edward VIII gave up the throne of England in order to marry Wallis Simpson. Don’t make excuses for a guy that isn’t showing interest. He may already have a girlfriend or he’s just not interested. Find out more about him and go from there.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at:

For more info: