This is testosterone week. Every letter is from a guy. Enjoy!
Dear Lucia,
The last few girls that I’ve been with, I’ve found that after we’ve
been intimate, they don’t put out the next time we hang out. But every time
after this, they do. Why?
—Jon B.
Dear Jon,
How long are you waiting to be intimate? It sounds like you’re rushing into
it and the girl regrets it afterwards. She’s giving you a nonverbal message
that she wants more than sex with you by not "putting out" the next
time. She’s testing you to see how you’ll respond – whether you’ll
be upset or accept it. She wants you to know she has more to offer than her body.
Dear Lucia,
It’s been four months and I think I’m in love. She’s taking it
slow but I know she cares a lot. I’m not exactly sure how to approach this.
—Marq Q.
Dear Marq,
Why can’t people just enjoy the moment, the situation and the relationship
without having to worry about the "approach"? It’s only been four
months. While that may seem like a long time to you, in the grand scheme of things,
it’s not very long at all.
The fact that you say you "think" you’re in love tells me you’re
not. If you were, you’d know it. You may be on your way, but love is respect,
awe and admiration. It takes more than four months to fall in love with someone.
Calm down and see what develops.
Dear Lucia,
I have been seeing this wonderful woman for about nine months. For the last six
to seven weeks we have been talking on the phone several times a day and spending
a lot of time together. I send her flowers once a week, and other days I’ll
put a flower or poem I’ve written for her on her car in the morning.
She recently expressed that she wants to take a step back and slow things down
a bit. I’ve told her that I love her and she tells me she loves me too. Is
she scared? Are things moving too fast? Am I about to lose this girl? If so, what
can I do to stop from losing her?
—Rob J.
Dear Rob,
The answer to three of your four questions: Yes! Yes! Yes! Slow down Romeo. The
fact that you’ve been together for nine months and things started to change
once the constant stream of flowers and poems began means you’re overwhelming
her.
It’s possible to feel two conflicting emotions at the same time. While we
all yearn to be in a loving relationship, we also have the desire to be free.
This is a human paradox you must always keep in mind.
What to do? Back off. Stop the flowers, poems, multiple daily phone calls. Eventually,
you can start to do those things again, but only in small doses. Good luck.
Dear Lucia,
When you first meet a guy, do you find his initial shyness or nervousness endearing
or a turn off?
—Peter P.
Initial shyness or nervousness is not a turn off. It tells me he’s being
real and that he’s probably not a player. If someone is too smooth and confident,
that’s a turn off! However, eventually the shyness or nervousness needs to
go, otherwise it becomes annoying.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
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