The dictionary defines infidelity as "unfaithfulness to a sexual partner." Let’s go over what is and isn’t cheating:

Kissing another guy/girl.

YES. Unless the kiss is just a friendly peck on the cheek or lips.

Hugging another guy/girl.

NO. Unless the hug is long and lingering and you’re staring into each other’s eyes.

Making out with another guy/girl.

YES. It’s safe to say that if your breathing speeds up, you’re probably cheating.

Telling another guy/girl that you love them.

YES. Unless it’s a friendly "I love you" – the kind people usually say at the end of a phone conversation.

Flirting with another guy/girl.

NO. This can certainly be annoying if your partner is doing it, but it can’t be considered cheating.

Chatting on the Internet with a stranger.

YES. Many relationships are breaking up these days because of people spending hours online with someone they haven’t even met. If you have that much time to spare, you should be spending it with your real, live partner.

I think the best way to decide whether something you’re about to do or have already done would be considered cheating is to ask yourself this: Would I behave in this way if my partner were standing next to me and could observe everything that happened? You have your answer.

Now, if you just found out you’ve been cheated on, what should you do? Finding out someone you trusted and believed in has lied can be devastating. Statistics show that women are more likely to forgive an indiscretion than are men. That’s unfortunate, because if someone cheats once, chances are they’ll do it again.

I’d like to look at infidelity in a whole new light. I actually think it’s a good thing if you find out that your partner has been unfaithful. Why, you ask? Because then you know who you’re dealing with. My take on relationships is this: We’ve all cheated and we’ve all been cheated on. At some point, after several relationships that don’t work out, you realize how difficult it is to find someone you really click with. Once you understand this, your outlook on relationships changes. Now you might be saying to yourself: "When I finally find someone that I believe is ‘the one’ and they feel the same about me, I’m not going to do anything to mess that up. It’s not worth losing someone special for a night of pleasure with someone else." This is the attitude of someone who is ready for a commitment. If you find out your partner has cheated, then in most cases, he/she won’t have this attitude because he/she is willing to risk losing you.

This is why you should look at infidelity as a good thing. You now know that you and your partner are not on the same page. Instead of wasting months, maybe years, with someone that isn’t right for you, you’re free to look for someone who is! Finding out about an act of infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of the world. It can actually be the beginning of a whole new life.


Dear Lucia,

My first boyfriend and I recently broke up after three happy years together. The breakup was amiable and we are still on talking terms. Since we’ve been together for so long, we both wish to remain friends, even good friends. Yet we are still attracted to each other, and every time we get together one thing always leads to another. He sees no problem with this, but I have no intention of continuing in this manner. I also don’t want to lose him as a friend, after all, I care deeply for him. Can’t two exes just be friends?

—Ally G.

Dear Ally,

Two exes can be friends when they’ve both moved on emotionally from the relationship – that is, one of them isn’t hoping to get back together. If you’re not happy with a " sex with no strings" relationship, then you must say no, and let the chips fall where they may. If he doesn’t want to be your friend because you won’t continue to sleep with him, he was never a friend to begin with.

A great big thanks to Jennifer at Vitality Health Care in Encino for the great massage. I hope my articles were helpful.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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