Dear Lucia,

I met this guy who claims to love me but at the same time is not over his ex – who happens to be the mother of his child. We have fun when we meet, which happens to always be at my invitation.

The problem I’m facing is I’m sure I’m falling for him and I want him in my life, but he is not ready yet, so he claims. Can you advise me on what to do?


Dear Phiona,

I would advise you to believe him. Even if he is ready, but claims not to be, what he really means is that he’s not interested in having anything meaningful with you. Hard to hear, I know.

If he is not over his ex, she will be an invisible third party in the relationship. Does that sound like something you want to be a part of?

Stop inviting him out and give him time to get over his ex. When he’s ready, if he’s still interested, he will come looking for you. However, if you try to push the issue before then, I can almost guarantee it will not work out.

Dear Lucia,

There is this guy I have had a thing for, for over a year. We used to hang out with the same group of friends, and while we never knew each other that well, we had a lot of chemistry. After months without seeing him around (or getting laid by anyone), I got his number from a friend and asked him to come over and – well … get it on!

After the second time we had sex (which was AMAZING!), I asked him out to get drinks and play some pool. He said yes, but the date was slightly awkward, which I suppose I can attribute to nerves on both our parts.

Because I wasn’t sure if we would go out again, I decided a few days later to invite him over for a third round of mind-blowing sex. He is a pleaser in the sack, that is for sure; but what really got me was that he made out with me passionately after we had both “finished.”

As he got up to leave, I told him he could stay a while longer, but he decided against it since I had mentioned earlier that I had to get up early the next day. When he was leaving, he couldn’t stop kissing and holding me in his arms in a very romantic way.

Considering that this man has yet to make any motions in my direction (e.g. asking me out) and does not seem too desperate to spend the night, would it be ridiculous for me to take his passionate kissing as a sign of his secret adoration? Awaiting your wisdom.

—Lost in Lust

Dear Lost,

It’s possible he secretly adores you – or maybe, he simply likes to kiss. We don’t have enough “evidence” here. It sounds to me as if you want to turn your booty call into a boyfriend.

If so, you need to find out what his situation is. Is he seeing someone, or did he just get out of something? Ask these questions as if you are just having a casual conversation.

If he’s totally available, then you need to let him get to know you as a person, not just as a booty call. You can do that with a little more talk and a little less sex. Only then do you have a chance of turning this around.

Hi Lucia,

I’m a 24-year-old man married to a Chinese woman who is 15 years my senior, and it’s great! Because my wife looks so young, we haven’t had much trouble fooling people into thinking she’s younger than she really is.

Your videos on “cougar” relationships on helped me to rationalize logically what I only knew emotionally, so that I would be able to face the world. My wife is overseas at the moment, but I’ll be sure to tell her about you when she gets back!


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