Hi Lucia,

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for almost two years. We have a lot in common and there is chemistry between us, but there are things that keep bothering me. I am having second thoughts because of them.

First of all, he walks alone ahead of me rather than beside me. He says because it’s cold and wants to get to the destination faster.

He doesn’t carry bags for me when I have two or three bags. He says he is not sure if I need help or not when the bags are smaller unless I ask.

Lastly, he is an angry driver. He is perfectly normal usually, but his anger is free and out when driving. He curses and even spits sometimes when he is really angry (this happened once).

Should I regard them as red flags and end my relationship?


Hi Cammie,

I have to be honest. When I first read your e-mail, I thought it was a joke.

I thought, “Can someone really be this blind?” I’m going to assume the answer is, “Yes!”

A man walking ahead of a woman is never acceptable, at least not in Western Civilization. I went on first dates with two different men who did that. I was not interested in a second date.

This may seem like a small thing, but it speaks volumes. It means he doesn’t care about you. Either that or he was raised by wolves. Pick one.

Not carrying your bags is another big no-no, especially if you have two or three bags. If I am with a man and he doesn’t offer to carry my bag, I just hand it over.

No one has ever refused it. This is about being a lady and expecting to be treated like one.

Your third point is an immediate deal breaker. A woman I know was physically abused by her boyfriend on her front lawn.

When I asked what had been the warning signs, she said he was a very angry driver. I’m not saying he’s going to behave the same way towards you, but why would you want to be in a car with someone who is always angry?

Here is a quote from a driving school:

The stronger the self-image that drivers have, the less threatened they will be by what happens around them. Identifying with one’s vehicle is a symptom of a weak ego. Insecure people imagine everything that happens on the road is a direct threat to them personally. Someone cuts them off, and they must retaliate: ‘Who do those people think they are to cut me off?’ The irrational thoughts of insecure people can keep them constantly upset.

I hope the blinders are now off and you can clearly see that, chemistry or no chemistry, this man is someone to get away from sooner, rather than later.

Hi Lucia,

I began dating a man a year ago and we seemed to really click, but very shortly afterward his former girlfriend got jealous and persuaded him to rekindle their relationship. I have been staying in touch with him – we see each other every week at local dances and we talk for hours on the telephone.

Now he is breaking up with her again, and he told me that this time it is for good. How can I ask him to pick up where we left off without seeming like a vulture waiting for its prey?


Hi JJ,

This is a common situation. When there is unfinished business with a couple, as soon as one of them starts dating someone else, the ex wants them back. It’s good that he went back and now knows for sure it isn’t going to work.

There is no need to ask him to pick up where you left off. I was once in the same situation. Someone I’d started dating went back with his ex. We kept in touch, and when they broke up a year later, he came running back to me.

If he is interested, he will initiate things. Don’t ask or push to make it happen. Since you’ve kept in touch, it should only be a matter of time.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.

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