Dear Lucia,

Is it the kiss of death if a guy you’re interested in thanks you for calling at the end of a phone conversation? It always feels that way to me. Am I off base?

—Wendy H.

Dear Wendy,

Well that depends … how often are you calling him? If you’re simply calling once in a while to say hi, then it means he’s flattered that you thought of him and he’s happy to hear from you. There are some people that were raised correctly – he sounds like he may be one of those people. As long as he is also doing some of the calling, I don’t see this as the "kiss of death."

Dear Lucia,

Every time I get around a guy I like, my stomach goes weird and I get really nervous. I usually try to hold it down and ignore it, but lately it’s gotten stronger. Is there something wrong with me? What am I supposed to do? I feel like I am about to throw up. Please help!

—Cindy W.

Dear Cindy,

That feeling is chemistry, also known as "butterflies." It’s nature’s way of telling you that you’re attracted to that person. I know it can be nerve-wracking. Take a few deep breaths, that should help calm you down. Otherwise, enjoy!

Dear Lucia,

I was in a three-year relationship and had plans to move in [with my boyfriend]. From one moment to another, my boyfriend’s feelings changed.

He claims to be confused. He tells me he loves me but isn’t in love with me. He was the one to ask me to move in, and then brought up children and marriage.

I know he has been badly influenced by his friends, who are all single. I feel like I got the short end of the stick. Should I assume there was someone else or that he was afraid of commitment? Should I let things go or work to make him understand?


Dear Broken-Hearted,

I recently found out what "I love you, but I’m not in love with you" means. Drum roll, please … it means "I don’t want to have sex with you anymore." People say this when they want to end a relationship but don’t know what to say. It sounds innocent enough because, after all, your ex is still saying he loves you.

The statement makes it seem as if something suddenly came over him and he’s not in love anymore. Puh-leese – his feelings did not change from one moment to the next. He’s been feeling this way for a while but either managed to hide it or you chose to overlook the red flags.

Even if he was influenced by his friends, do you want a relationship with a man whose friends have a say in your life together? You may think you "got the short end of the stick," but frankly, if you’re a religious person, you should get on your knees and thank God for saving you from many years of misery. Who cares what the reason was? The bottom line is that he no longer wants to be with you and you cannot make him do anything.

He understands what he needs to understand and that is, that he no longer wants to be with you. He’s not confused. Sorry to sound so harsh, but it’s better to face the truth now and move on with your life than to waste years and eventually look back in regret. Good luck.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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