Dear Lucia,

I met this guy, and he asked me out for coffee. He took me out on a couple of weekend lunch dates followed by hanging out (bookstores, the park etc.) Then he moved it up by taking me out to dinners followed by dancing.

We’ve been out a total of eight or nine times over the last two months. I’ve seen him every weekend and sometimes during the week.

We get along great, have amazing chemistry and have a lot of fun together. Good banter, great kissing and we enjoy a lot of the same things. He pays for everything even when I offer.

We have not had sex yet. We have gotten close, but I told him I just wasn’t ready. I like him!

He calls me usually one to two days after a date ends to ask me out again for the next weekend but doesn’t generally call to talk. He has, in the last week, been texting more often and called me one night just to chat.

The calls are initiated by him. I’ve texted or e-mailed once or twice, but mostly I leave it up to him to call me.

At first I thought this is all OK because he’s not my boyfriend so he doesn’t need to call me everyday. Now I feel myself wanting to hear from him more.

But since it’s still pretty early, and our relationship is not really defined – do you think we are on a good path and that he is communicating his desire to hang out with me enough? Am I being too needy? Is it a bad sign that he doesn’t call everyday?

He has told me several times that he likes me a lot, and I do believe that. He also has asked me out for every weekend since we met. Am I being too clingy?

—New to dating

Dear New,

Don’t take this the wrong way, but: Stop being such a girl! This is how females mess things up in the beginning. Instead of enjoying what’s being offered, they start to wonder if something is wrong if things are not moving along as fast as they would like.

A relationship can only move as fast as the slowest person in it. Your insecurity makes you want to “sew things up.”

There is nothing wrong with his behavior. If anything, he is to be commended for his brilliant pacing.

You’re right – you’re not his girlfriend, so why should he call everyday? He doesn’t seem like a guy who wants to have long phone conversations anyway. Most guys don’t, so stop trying to turn them into women!

Everything sounds great. Don’t try to be cool – be cool!

Dear Lucia,

I want to thank you for responding to my question about being cheated on. I have decided to leave the situation.

I have been single for a month now, and I have never been happier. I’m so glad I stepped away and saw how life was without the stress of a relationship. I feel much better now.


Dear Erin,

Relationships are only stressful if we are not with the right person. The right relationship makes your life better and happier.

Dear Lucia,

Thanks for answering my question about how to stop beating myself up for being “too nice” to a guy I was dating who was not treating me right.

The first time he “yelled” at me, I called up an acquaintance from the class we were all in. She told me to be “nice” and put the blame on me. It made me go against my instincts.

Later, I revealed the situation to the teacher. She had recently decided not to invite the guy anymore and especially upon hearing about his drinking and treatment towards me, said she wouldn’t invite him.

Goes to show me (once again) that some people – like that acquaintance – who believe they’re being “all spiritual” have a misunderstanding about behavior, compassion and boundaries.

You’re amazing. Keep up the insights. Sometimes our female “friends” mistreat us more than the guys.


Dear Marnie,

Remember: Yelling is NEVER acceptable unless it’s a matter of life and death.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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