Dear Lucia,

I have been dating this guy for almost a year now. Our relationship is quite complicated as we have different nationalities, religion and culture.

His parents are against it. We have broken up three times, but he keeps coming back.

He is afraid of taking risks, but he cannot let go of our relationship because it is really great and we are really happy with each other. He is the longest relationship I have had, and it is getting serious so I’m really adjusting to the feeling of really being committed.

He came from a conservative family, whereas for me it’s semi-liberal. I have changed the way I dress and I am not friendly anymore, especially to guys.

Lately, we are having some problems because he is becoming so busy and we do not have as much time for each other. We don’t talk over the phone as much as we did before, and I’m getting paranoid because I feel that something is changing and we are not that close anymore. I start to assume, and he gets angry because he feels there’s nothings wrong and I keep taking everything personally.

Is everything OK or normal? Do I just need to relax and trust the relationship?

Since this the most serious relationship I have, I feel pressure to make it really work. Does love really conquer all?


Dear Sofia,

Let’s see: You have a different religion, nationality and culture. His parents are against the relationship. You’ve broken up three times in one year. He is conservative, and you are semi liberal. You are certainly asking a lot of love when you expect it to conquer all.

Even people who have more in common than the two of you will have relationship issues. You are starting out with a lot of strikes against you, on top of the inevitable challenges that are bound to come up.

Now he is pulling away – even though he’s denying it. I believe this is a blessing in disguise.

You can’t force something to work just because it’s the most serious relationship you’ve ever had. Are you really happy or are you lying to yourself?

This isn’t about trusting the relationship. This is about seeing the red flags. Even if you were the same religion, nationality and culture, breaking up three times in the first year is not a good sign.

I believe you have too much working against the two of you to make this work. I know you will not listen to me, so please keep in touch and let me know what happens.

Dear Lucia,

I received your advice before about a love problem I had, and I took it. I’m still with the same man.

My current problem is that I just moved to the United States and left my guy in my native country (Dominican Republic). He has a year and a half left to graduate from medical school and then he’s moving to the U.S. to pursue his medical career.

I love him, and I would like to stay with him long distance. Do you think it could work if we can see each other only twice a year? Otherwise, we communicate by e-mail, chat rooms and phone calls.

I’m willing to do it and so is he, but we are both skeptical about it. What should we do?


Dear Heidi,

In general, I don’t recommend long distance relationships because they are just too difficult. Inevitably, one or both people get lonely for companionship and step outside the relationship. It takes two very mature and committed people to make it work.

Twice a year is not a lot of contact. If you are both willing to try to stay together, then go ahead. However, you should have an agreement that if one of you is having difficulty being faithful, that you will be honest with the other person and make a decision as to what to do at that time.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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