I met a gentleman off the ’net about five months ago, on an adult dating site based on sexual desires more than anything else. When we met, the chemistry was there, but he was very adamant about not wanting a relationship. He told me he does date when he feels like it.

We have only met twice, but he has kept in touch. He said he loves my company, and sexually, we set off fireworks.

He feels all women are out to hurt him and will eventually move on, so that is his reasoning for not getting all that involved. He said he prefers quality over quantity and admitted he has only seen seven women in the last 10 years.

I have a feeling he is needy but only has a need when he has nothing else going on with work or family. He says he is a nice guy, he is, but I’m beginning to see he really isn’t all that nice – he seems selfish.

All he does is “troll” the Internet site seeking out women, but in reality isn’t too serious about really wanting a friendship at all. He didn’t mention he had a son from a previous short-term relationship when we met in person!

When I did tried to end this friendship he didn’t want to hear that at all. I guess I don’t understand why he would even care. I don’t think he has many female “friends,” as he kind of alluded to that when I talked in depth to him.

Should I waste any more time with him? I don’t call him at all. I do e-mail occasionally to see how he is, and he always responds.

He told me I am the most “together” woman he has ever met. Am I foolish to think this could turn into more than a friendship down the road?

I do date other men, and I am looking for more of a long-term relationship. I’m very physically attracted to him, and we can’t keep our hands off each other when we have seen each other, but I don’t know if I should keep the friendship or not.


Dear Confused,

If you are looking for a relationship, why are you on an adult site based on sexual desires? Do you really think a guy who wants a relationship is going to be on there?

Of course he likes your company and doesn’t want to lose you. If the sex sets off fireworks, he wants to keep you at the periphery of his life for when he wants to see you.

On top of that he has a bad attitude towards women, since he feels they are all out to hurt him and will all eventually leave. Well, they probably have good reason, since he doesn’t exactly sound like Mr. Charming. Nice guys don’t tell you how nice they are, they show it.

It’s interesting that you would use the phrase “waste any more time” as opposed to “spend any more time” when you asked what you should do. A Freudian slip, I presume?

If you are serious about wanting a long-term relationship, this is not someone you should even consider. It’s like wanting to buy a dress and going to a furniture store to look for it. You need to be on a site where the men are looking for more than sex.

You can certainly continue the “friendship” as you continue to refer to it, though I would call it more of an “acquaintanceship.” Great sex does not always mean there will also be a great relationship.

You can certainly keep him as a lover, but please don’t make the common, foolish mistake of thinking it may turn into something more in the future. He’s already made it clear he doesn’t want a relationship, even if you are the most together woman he’s ever met.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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