I have been seeing a man who I think has an authority complex. He loves to dominate me and play little power games in bed.

These turn me on sexually, but sometimes I feel like his ideal relationship with a woman is one where he is in total control of everything and gets away with treating a woman however he pleases. He doesn’t always return phone calls because will not be put “on a leash.”

His last relationship ended when he “lost the power.” I have also seen a creepy poster he created and left in his closet with phrases like “Be masculine, be in control.”

Overall I really like this man and love the rest of his personality. Do you think I can help him get over his insecurity?


Why, oh why do women insist on playing Florence Nightingale with the men they’re dating. Do you have a PhD? Are you a therapist? Then why do you need to help him?

Since when is returning phone calls equivalent to being on a leash? This guy has major issues.

You have two choices. Accept him as he is with all his power plays or move on. Frankly, if I were you, I would head for the hills!

Dear Lucia,

I have been talking to a woman on the phone for one year. We met through AOL. We have some of the best and funniest conversations.

It took her a while to trust me before we could meet, however, when we were about to, she decided not to. I admit it was my fault because I didn’t trust her. However, how could I when she said she would get so drunk that her guy friends would have to carry her to bed?

We hardly talk on weekends. Why do females like talking during the weekdays but not on the weekends? It is as if you’re second best because their friends seem to come first.

How should I handle this? Can a hot female who says she loves a guy be faithful? When she is out with her friends, every guy wants to date her.

She says she wants to spend her birthday with me, but right now I am just keeping an open mind because I am unsure what will happen.


Dear Andy,

Wow! You sure are patient. Talking for a year, what’s up with that?

You two haven’t even met and there are already trust issues. Not a good way to start any type of relationship.

I suspect she has a boyfriend, if she isn’t available to talk on the weekends. A woman who is interested and available has no problem talking any day of the week.

A female, hot or not, will stay faithful if she loves her boyfriend and is happy with the sex and how he treats her. I suggest you meet sooner rather than later, whether it’s for her birthday or whatever. If she flakes out, move on.

Who knows if it’s even her in the pictures? It may be a woman with a good imagination and plenty of time to waste on the phone with a stranger.

Dear Lucia,

I’m 21-years-old. I’ve recently fallen for an older woman I work with; she’s 28.

I find it so hard because I can’t be myself around her. I let myself fall knowing that it would be a mistake. She has a boyfriend who lives overseas which makes things so difficult.

I just need tips on how to get over her. I can’t stop thinking about her, and it’s really driving me nuts!


Hi T.J.,

Well, this is a fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into, young man! Just kidding!

Since you work together, it’s going to be difficult to avoid her, but try to stay away from her as much as you can. Only interact with her if you absolutely have to.

As for constantly thinking about her, that will be more difficult to deal with. She’s currently residing in your head.

Whenever you find yourself thinking about her (I know, it’s probably every five minutes), think of something you don’t like – a food, place, whatever. Eventually there will be a negative association when she comes to mind, and you will begin to think about her less and less.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.

Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net.

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