: Q & A

Dear Sean,

It’s usually women that want to know the answer to that question. Nice to see that guys are also concerned about this!

The answer is very simple: Don’t have sex until you’ve been dating for several months. If the person is just looking for a one-night stand, they won’t hang around for long.

Also, look at their lifestyle. Are they out partying all the time or are they seriously working toward something in their life? When someone has a goal, they can’t bother to be distracted by being out at clubs.

How about their friends? Are they all party animals or do they have something going on? Remember, birds of a feather flock together.

Dear Lucia,

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 10 months and lately I feel like he cares more about other women than me. He’s always talking to this particular girl and, yes, I guess you can say I’m jealous. I am a very sensitive person so I take this to heart. He tells me they’re just friends, but why does he always talk about her? It’s gotten so bad that I’ve had nightmares about them together.

He never tells me I’m beautiful, and sometimes I feel just like his sex toy. I know he has a really sweet side to him and I love him to death, but it is hard for me to deal with his little fantasies with other women. Am I overreacting or is something seriously going on here?

—L.

Dear L.,

It could be possible that nothing is going on with this other girl and he simply thinks she’s a cool person. Usually, if something is "going on," a smart person will keep their mouth shut and you won’t even know the other person exists.

So, either something is going on and your boyfriend is dumb enough to keep talking about her, or nothing is going on and he is being insensitive. Either way, you don’t seem too happy with your relationship. The fact that you’re having nightmares is obviously not a good sign. Worrying about what may or may not be happening is wasting a lot of your precious energy that could be put to better use.

It’s time to talk to him about the things that are bothering you. If he cares, he’ll try to understand where you’re coming from and will stop talking about her. If he doesn’t care, he’ll get defensive and tell you you’re being too sensitive. If that’s the case, then you might want to adopt the slogan: New year, new love. Good luck.

Dear Lucia,

I was just looking through Campus Circle and the "Casual Sex" topic caught my attention. I must applaud you, you give good advice. Quite honestly, I wasn’t expecting it.

Based on your picture, you’re kinda cute, and normally, cute girls are generally stupid and most of their opinions are very one-sided or not clearly thought out. The way you responded to the girl about getting feelings for her booty call was totally excellent. Keep up the good work.

—The Chazman

Dear The Chazman,

Thanks, I think … .

Dear Lucia,

I just read your definition of, "I love you but I’m not in love with you." That statement helped me come to terms with what I recently went through. I guess I knew what it meant, but I just needed to hear if from someone like yourself. Thanks for your contribution and I wish you the best.

—Tim

Dear Tim,

Thanks, glad I was helpful.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at: theartoflove777@yahoo.com

For more info: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theartoflove/