I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years now. I’m 24, and he is 26.
We are doing very well, and he has told me many times that he wants to marry me when he finishes school in two years. I understand that, considering we are not ready financially.
I mentioned to him about an engagement a year or less before he graduates. I pointed out all the benefits there would be, like preparing so we don’t have to wait as long and less stress.
He thinks it’s better to wait until after he finishes school and starts working to get engaged. He said he doesn’t want to give me just a $100 dollar ring and wants it to be a special ring, but he has two years!
I don’t see that as being a good reason to wait for an engagement especially when he says he wants to start his life with me right away. I feel like there is another reason but not sure what it is.
I was upset and didn’t want to discuss it anymore or make him feel pressured. He is a great guy and treats me right, but I just wanted to get your advice. What do you think it is?
—Ricki
Hi Ricki,
What’s the big rush? It’s not like you’re 80-years-old and under a time crunch. He needs to be concentrating on school and not on planning for a wedding.
You sound too immature to be thinking about getting married right now anyway. A marriage is not just about what benefits you, but also about what benefits the other person and the relationship.
What else will you be trying to talk him into prematurely once you’re married – buying a home, a new car, having a baby? He’s very wise to wait.
It’s your own insecurities that are pushing you to want to hurry things along. Just remember this: If he loves you, engaged or not, he’s not going anywhere. If he doesn’t love you, then married or not, he’s not going to stay.
I hope you mature enough in the next two years to be able to be a good partner and wife.
Hi Lucia,
The woman I love and who loves me, says she needs time to get over the trust issues she had with me along with the hurt I caused her. I am afraid that if we keep talking I will fall more in love with her. Since we aren’t on the same page, I’m afraid she would see me more as a friend than someone she wants to spend the rest of her life with.
Should I walk away from her knowing we aren’t on the same page like once before, or should I give her the time she needs to get over the hurt, even if that means she still goes out and parties on the weekends without me? Should I risk opening my heart up blindly?
—Damien
Dear Damien,
If she doesn’t trust you, then more likely than not, unless she’s got major trust issues, you probably behaved in a way that led her to not trust you. People who are trustworthy tend to be trusted. The only thing you can do at this point is to behave in a way that rebuilds her trust.
Having said that, I want to point out that anyone who is still out partying on the weekends is not someone who is ready to spend the rest of their life with anyone – whether it’s you or someone new she may meet.
The fact that she’s going out on weekends without you, tells me she’s really not that interested in you and is using the trust issue as an excuse. Otherwise, she would be hanging out with you, trying to get back on the same page.
It would indeed be foolish to open your heart up blindly and sit around waiting for her, when her actions clearly show she’s not waiting for you!
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.
Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net.
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