I have a male friend whom I quarreled with a few months ago. He works in the Catholic Church.
We exchanged bitter words because he doesn’t want me to join the organization in the church that he is in charge of. From that time on I haven’t gone to church, and we have not seen each other.
We are not lovers, but I think he has feelings for me. I want him to open up his feelings, and I would like to be closer to him.
My question is: How can I be friends with him again in the future? Should I call him? Should I go directly to him? In which case it will seem as if I am begging. Should I make a third person be a bridge between the two of us, or should I write a friendly letter?
—Rommela
Dear Rommela,
Your question is how can you be friends with him again? My question is: Why?
He certainly didn’t behave like a friend. Who is he to tell you that you cannot join the church organization that he runs? How can you expect him to “open up his feelings” and get closer to him if he doesn’t want you around?
I suggest you start going back to church and join the organization. If he doesn’t like it, that’s his problem.
You don’t need friends like this. Never try to keep someone who doesn’t want to keep you!
Dear Lucia,
Why is it that when I meet a gal I like, we get along great, but she gets sort of needy and expects me to spend more time with her than I can at the moment? I realize she wants more right away in a two to three month period, rather than take time and let the relationship grow.
She reads more into what I e-mail or say and thinks I do not want to be connected. She wants more time, but when I mention that perhaps I should find a job near her (she’s 50 miles away) and move in with her, that is not something she would want.
It’s difficult to spend a weekend together if I have other things I need/want to do, like trying to clean up, finish jobs, etc. She wants more, is unhappy about not getting it and then mentions moving on.
—Mike
Dear Mike,
She is making the classic female mistake of the “instant relationship.” Even though it’s only been a few months, in her mind you already have a full relationship. That’s why she gets upset when you don’t behave as if you are already in one.
Though she may want a relationship, she doesn’t want to live with you yet, and you shouldn’t even be thinking like that anyways after only a few months.
When she says she wants to move on, she is trying to manipulate you into spending more time with her. You’re smart to take it slow.
The next time she mentions moving on, tell her that you want her to be happy, and if that’s what would make her happy, you won’t stand in her way. More likely than not, she won’t bring it up again.
Dear Lucia,
We are both in different cities. He spends money and time on me. He comes to meet me once every two months.
He doesn’t let me go out anywhere. He doesn’t want me to make friends. I can’t do any work without his permission.
He has a dominating nature but shows lots of love. I listen to him because I love him, but sometimes I get irritated.
What should I do? Is it true love? Should I go further or should I stop?
—Zee
Dear Zee,
The intelligent part of you reached out to me for help. The foolish part of you lets you think you are in love with a control freak.
I don’t know where you learned about love, but anyone who tries to keep you from living your life does not love you. Listen to the intelligent part of you and stop seeing him immediately!
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.
Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net.
Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on www.latalkradio.com.
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