Dear Lucia,

I met a guy four months ago. He made it clear in the first week that I can be his girlfriend, but he will never consider me as his wife. What is he trying to say? That I am not good enough to be his future partner?

We had a lot of arguments based on that, and we came to conclusion that we won’t talk about commitment. Things have been really good so far.

He is good looking, romantic, etc., but I desire commitment in a relationship. He says things like, “One day you will find a nice husband” and that makes me really frustrated.

I tried to break up with him, but he is holding me back. Why is he doing this? If he doesn’t see me as future wife, why doesn’t he let me go? I would love to stay with this guy, but at the same time I want to move on.


Dear Jasmine,

When a guy tells you he would never consider you as his future wife, he is absolutely telling you that you’re not good enough for him. Why even bother arguing? He’s already made up his mind. Whatever happened to dignity?

If you really wanted to break up with him, you would just do it. He doesn’t want you to leave because he wants to continue to get the benefits from being with you (sex, etc.). You’re not his Miss Right, but his Miss Right Now.

If you don’t mind seeing him knowing there is probably no future here, then continue doing so. Otherwise, it’s time to hit the road!

Dear Lucia,

I’ve been dating a much younger man for two years. My intentions were never to date this cub for this amount of time, but he continues to contact me when he’s in town. He has said the “love” word on one occasion, but I never responded.

After this amount of time, is it really love or is it still in the lust stages? I have the two confused, because I’m thinking I’m in love, too.


Love is more about the connection than the time. You could date someone for years and never fall in love. Or you could date someone for six months and begin to fall in love.

Does it really matter what it is? Why do you need a definition? It is what it is. Would you behave any differently if you knew for sure that it was love?

If you enjoy spending time with him, then continue to do so. The truth is in your heart, not in a word.

Dear Lucia,

Thanks for answering my question about a girl I’m dating saying she wants more time and is thinking of moving on.

I had actually already told her what you recommended. I said I want her to be happy, and if I do not make her happy I understand if she finds it necessary to keep looking.

Perhaps it makes her think I do not care and that I can find a replacement, but that is not what I mean and she makes the wrong assumptions of what I am saying. This is something I find women do a lot, read things into what I might say as meaning something else, when instead they should be asking questions if there is uncertainty.

She has been married twice, and I believe the guys were insensitive to her, i.e. if she cried they would make fun of her or laugh. When she did this with me, I was sad and mentioned it appeared that the roof was leaking because of the tears.

I truly believe if you act within from the heart and not emotions and ego a person can have a good relationship. But you need both persons to be acting as adults.


Dear Mike,

You are very insightful.

I just want to point out that if she married guys who were insensitive, she is the one who chose them despite their insensitivity. They probably behaved this way before marriage, yet she didn’t see it as a deal breaker.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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