I’m from Serbia, but I grew up in Israel. I came back to Serbia last year so my Serbian language is poor. I met a guy, and I like him so much. I’m not showing what I feel, but the only thing that I’m sure shows is my stupidity.
Because of the language, I can’t always say exactly what I mean, and I’m not as funny as I used to be with my friends in Israel. In the middle of a conversation, when I start to talk about something with him, I just want to disappear!
I wish I could show the real me, but it doesn’t work. I don’t know what to do to make him know me better and see the good things in me, so I’m just not doing anything! —Amirah
Dear Amirah,
Luckily, over 90 percent of communication is nonverbal, so it really doesn’t matter if you can’t fully express yourself. You generally know if you are attracted to someone or not before they have even said a word to you.
A few years ago I was dating a guy whose first language was Spanish and he only knew a bit of English, but we were attracted to each other and even though he didn’t say much, I could tell he was a nice guy.
I would say smile if you don’t know what to say and try to have someone around once in a while who can be the translator. Try to do activities that don’t require a lot of talking, such as going to the movies, an amusement park, etc. In the meantime, you can work on your Serbian.
Dear Lucia,
My relationship, which lasted for five years, ended two months ago because my ex-girlfriend simply found that she didn’t love me anymore. Unfortunately, in the last year, we’ve been living in separate cities. (We are foreign students, and we’ve been admitted in different places.)
Of course, this has a lot to do with that. Whatever the reasons, I understand that if she doesn’t love me anymore, there’s nothing I can do but to accept her decision and move on.
I’ve been trying to get over it, and I feel I can’t. I see new and old friends, I go to new places, I try to concentrate in my studies, but I can’t forget, and I don’t know what to do. How can I forget someone who doesn’t love me anymore, but who I still love? —Very Sad Guy
Dear Sad Guy,
I asked a guy who was in a very similar situation a year ago for his thoughts on this. He was also very upset at that time and never thought he’d get over it.
His answer is exactly what I was going to advise you. It’s going to take more than two months to get over a five-year relationship.
“You’re going to feel like crap for a while,” he says, “but the world goes on and eventually you’ll feel better.”
He also says that you should find another girl, but it doesn’t sound to me like you will be ready for that anytime soon.
I would also advise that you put away anything that reminds you of her – photos, a present she gave you, etc. You’re going to have to pretend she doesn’t exist for a while, until you are feeling better. Out of sight eventually becomes out of mind.
Dear Lucia,
You answered my e-mail a few weeks ago about my wanting to get engaged while my boyfriend wanted to wait. I almost got offended by your answer, but then again, I knew it was something that I had to hear.
I thought it was only wise to be open-minded and listen to someone who has the profession and tells it like it is. Believe me you did me a huge favor, and I cannot thank you enough for the reality slap in the face. You know your stuff. —Ricki
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.
Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net.
Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on www.latalkradio.com.
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