Dear Lucia,

How do you find a good man and keep a good man? Most of my relationships don’t last a long time, and I’m beginning to think it’s because of me.

Most of them say I’m a good girlfriend, but next thing you know, we break up. I just want to connect with someone who actually wants to be with me. —Wondering

Dear Wondering,

I can’t give you a helpful answer in the short amount of space I have. I would suggest you continue reading my column and articles. Eventually you will gain new tools and insight that should help you in your quest.

Dear Lucia,

My boyfriend and I have known each other for over a year, but have only been dating for four months. He has a chronic illness, and I have been with him, listening to his problems, helping him and being a good companion. We’ve spent a lot of time being together just being at home enjoying each other’s company, which is what he said he wanted to do rather than go out and run around doing things that he didn’t feel physically up to.

Last week he told me that he wants to “go it alone.” I thought at first that he wanted to dwell on his problems and be somewhat of a hypochondriac, and I questioned, “Are you just going to sit in that chair by yourself?” Then I realized that he meant he intends to go out, but he doesn’t want to go steady.

I called him back and told him that I felt bad, and I was sorry it was happening this way. He suggested that we get together again – as if he had never talked about going it on his own. In fact, when I told him of a plan I had to do something on my own, he asked me, “Why can’t we do it together?”

I feel ready to break off anyway and break out of this web. What do you think? —Amy

Dear Amy,

It sounds to me like he had a change of heart. Whether it’s temporary or permanent remains to be seen. If you want to continue seeing him, I would also see other people and inform him you are not interested in “going steady” with him at this time.

However, I find it an interesting choice of words that you would use the word “web.” If you really are ready to “break out” of it, then go for it!

Hi Lucia,

My girlfriend and I are both 21. We are close to each other, more on the physical side, but it is limited to phone sex.

She really likes it when I talk dirty on the phone at night, and she masturbates to that. I’m pretty sure that during that time she really wants me in her bed to do all the things I say to her, but when I ask her to have actual sex with me, she is a complete no-no.

No amount of persuading would change her mind, but she insists on continuing this phone sex thing going. I want to take the next step. What should I do? —Kombo

Dear Kombo,

Has she given you a reason as to why she won’t do it? Is it because of religion? Is she a virgin?

If it’s neither one of those, then you’ll need to use reverse psychology. Constantly asking her to have sex when she’s already said no several times is not going to get you anywhere.

I would continue with the phone sex, but I would not ask her anymore. You could even say that you actually prefer “doing it” on the phone and are not that interested in having sex with her anymore. If she asks why, say that you don’t want her to do anything she’s not ready for.

If your phone sex is hot enough, trust me, eventually she’ll be demanding to have sex with you. Let me know what happens!

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.

Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net.

Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on www.latalkradio.com.