I need your wise words! I have been seeing a guy for nearly three months. I am feeling very insecure, and I don’t know why!
He always tells me he loves me, etc., but when I’m not with him I have this overwhelming feeling that he really doesn’t want to be with me. I can’t explain where it’s coming from because he really is one of the nicest guys I have ever met.
I really try not to question him about how I feel because I don’t want to scare him. I am also going on holiday soon, and I am so afraid that if I text him while I’m away that he won’t text back.
I will be left feeling depressed while I’m on holiday because a lot of the time when I text him here he doesn’t text back and it really gets to me! What’s wrong with me?
—Suzanne
Dear Suzanne,
This reminds me of the old joke where a guy says to the doctor, “It hurts when I move my arm like this” to which the doctor replies, “Then don’t move your arm like that.”
I’d suggest the same thing to you. If you’re going to be miserable that he doesn’t respond to your text message, then don’t send one!
You shouldn’t be initiating contact anyway! The sperm chases the egg and the hunter hunts the deer, not the other way around. You need to let him chase you, contact you, call you, etc.
If you’ve reversed roles, then that may be why you’re feeling insecure. Actions speak louder, and you need to let him show you how he feels, since you have a hard time believing his words.
Dear Lucia,
Recently I started going out with a guy. He seemed very nice, and I could say we both were attracted to each other.
On our third date we went to his friend’s birthday to club. I had just a couple of cocktails. I felt so drunk, as never before. I don’t really remember how we left.
He took me to his place, because I was in no shape to go home on my own. He saw that I felt really terrible, but he was still trying to make me want to have sex.
I understand it was hard for him to control himself in bed with me, but still, I tried not to respond. I finally started to kiss and cuddle him too.
When we were about to make love, I realized he didn’t have a condom. I stood up and started to put my clothes on. I told him that I don’t know with whom he sleeps and I didn’t want to risk myself or get pregnant.
I asked him for a car service number or where I can take a train. He looked so mad, he didn’t even say bye to me. He just showed me directions while still lying in bed.
On my way to a train, he texted me that he no longer wants to be in touch with me and wants his number deleted. He promised to do the same.
I don’t know if it was right to refuse him last minute and if I need to just leave it as it is.
—Julia
Dear Julia,
You can refuse a guy anytime, last minute or not. He probably won’t like it, but that’s his problem.
If he’s a gentleman, he accepts it gracefully. If he’s a jerk, then he behaves like the guy you described.
It sounds like you may have had something put in your drink. Thank God you had the clarity of mind to not have sex without a condom.
This guy doesn’t give a damn about you. Even though you were in no shape to go home, he still tried to have sex with you.
If he hadn’t suggested that you delete him from your life, I was certainly going to advise you to do it. Leave it as is and move on!
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.
Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net.
Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on www.latalkradio.com.
Comment