With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice – after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it. Dear Lucia,
I like this girl and I told her that I would like to get with her. She told me that she likes me too, but she just came out of a relationship and just wants to have some time to herself.
I have been hanging out with her a lot. Sometimes I think like she doesn’t feel the same way as I do about her, but there are times where I think she does. Last night we went bowling and when I was leaving, I gave her a hug and she kissed me on the cheek. Now I’d just like some advice on what to do next.
Sorry to tell you this, but she’s probably not interested. Girls use the "just out of a relationship" excuse when they don’t want to date you but don’t want to tell you directly. If she was interested, trust me, she wouldn’t need "time to herself."
If her favorite celebrity asked her out, the fact that she just came out of a relationship wouldn’t matter one bit. She likes you as a friend and wants someone to hang out with at the moment. The only thing you can do is back off. If she really does want time to herself, you need to not spend so much time with her.
What does it mean when your boyfriend tells you that he feels smothered and feels
like he can’t breath around you sometimes?
It means exactly that – he feels smothered. Are you a clinging vine? Do you let him have time to himself or do you need to know where he is every minute? Everyone needs time alone or with friends. No one likes to be constantly checked up on.
How often do you call him? I bet it’s several times a day, which is way too often. What are you insecure about? Do you think you need to check up on him to make sure he doesn’t meet someone else? The irony is that eventually it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy – he’ll be so sick of you that he will want to be with someone else. Back off!
Why would a guy act super into me, then act not interested, then go back to being interested? I’m not sure what to think – I know he’s not seeing anyone else.
We don’t argue and have lots of fun together. I’m also way hotter than all his former girlfriends. I’m tired of this back and forth attitude!
Sounds like he’s playing you dear, and apparently it’s working. If you’re so hot, why are you sitting around worrying about him? Oh, I know: We want what we can’t have. I suggest you start dating other guys and not put too much energy into Mr. Hot & Cold. If he straightens out, great. If not, you won’t have wasted time waiting for him.
I respect what you’re doing. For awhile (based on my bad experiences), I found women to be negative. Seeing what your passion is, it’s changing my views to more positive ones. I hope one day, I’ll meet you."
—F.L.O.S.S., Baltimore, MD
Thanks. Your letter brought tears to my eyes.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Watch Lucia's show, "The Art of Love," on the Adelphia Public Access Channel on Thursday, Feb. 24 at 7:30 p.m. The topic: Red Flags.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net