My ex abruptly broke up with me about six months ago. Although I was devastated the relationship ended, it hurt even more that he didn’t want to be friends.
Recently I found him on MySpace and asked if we could be online friends. He accepted my friend request and sent me a long message about our relationship and how he still loved me.
I appreciated his honesty about our relationship but felt we have since moved past that point. He was, after all, in a new relationship. So I simply responded with one word: Thanks.
A few days later, I noticed he deleted me as his MySpace friend. Was it something I said or didn’t say?
Was it necessary to express any lingering thoughts on our relationship? It’s over, and we’ve both moved on. I just wanted friendship.
—Mona
Dear Mona,
It sounds to me like you were being passive-aggressive, probably to pay him back for breaking up with you. If you truly wanted to be friends, then you would have responded with more than just, “Thanks” to someone who took the time to write a long message. At the very least, you could have added, “I appreciate that.”
If you want to get back on his friends list, you have one of two options. Send an appropriate response to his e-mail and take it from there. If you continue to correspond, you can eventually make another friend request.
Otherwise, make your profile private. That way, if he is curious at all about what you are up to, eventually he will make a friend request.
Dear Lucia,
I went to a bible meeting in the pastor’s office recently. There were about 12 people there. The guy who sat next to me was very good looking.
I went there for two days. On the third day, this guy passed out chocolate and said for me to take two. Do you think he’s trying to impress me, or am I reading into things?
—Julie
Dear Julie,
Girl, you need to get a life. Maybe he is or maybe he isn’t, but this is such a small thing that if it had happened to me, I wouldn’t have spent two seconds thinking about it, much less writing to someone for advice.
Dear Lucia,
When I meet women, I can’t tell if they’re flirting, interested or just being nice. My friends, probably because they want me to be with somebody, think everybody I tell them about has the hots for me.
I recently ran into an old flame at a reunion. She told me that she had looked up my Web site when she saw my e-mail address.
Then, a while later, she let it slip that she was getting a divorce. I wrote this off to just being curious. My friends think I’m daft.
A couple of weeks ago, I was at a birthday party for another friend when I ended up talking with a very pretty woman. We really hit it off, until my last ex-girlfriend showed up with a definite agenda. After politely fielding the ex-girlfriend’s inquisition, I decided it was time for me to go.
After I left, my friend told me that the pretty woman was upset with me for inviting the ex-girlfriend. The pretty woman has my card, but I didn’t get hers because of the interruption.
In both cases my friends think that these women were very interested. I’m not so sure. Are there any telltale signs I can look for in the future?
—Mark
Dear Mark,
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.
Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net.
Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on www.latalkradio.com.
Pay attention to whether and how often a woman touches you when you are talking to her. A woman who is interested will want to touch you, even if it’s only an occasional light tap. Conversely, if she’s not interested, she will want to avoid touching you as much as possible.
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