Your response to Julia, who was asking for “tactics” to extract money from her lover is off the mark. She is a GOLDDIGGER!
“My husband and I live together only for the sake of my son’s health.” THIS IS A LIE.
This lady is bad news. Her husband is probably working full time to support her and his sick boy, and I bet you he gets no support from his CHEATING wife and no sex.
As for her lover, what obligation should he have to her to financially help her, unless he is paying for the sex?
You should have said: So let me get this straight, you are cheating with a married man, thus ruining two families and yet you want to profit from the married man while justifying your cheating, plus you have a sick son at home that needs his mum’s love and support, and all you think about is your selfish self?
Basically, what you’re saying is that it is OK for Julia to continue to see another woman’s husband and at the same time see if she can get money out of him.
—A man’s perspective
I find that when someone has a strong reaction to something I’ve written, it’s because they strongly identify with it, and thus are very biased.
First of all, if she were a gold-digger, she would not have stayed with her lover for four years without any financial “benefits.” She would have been gone as soon as she realized there wouldn’t be any.
Secondly, how do you know she was lying as to why she is still with her husband? In order to give someone advice, I have to take them at their word, instead of assuming something is a lie just because I may not agree with the situation.
Thirdly, like most people, you’re assuming that if her lover helps her out financially, he’s paying for sex. What about everything else she gives to him? To quote from Julia’s e-mail: “I am his savior when he has troubles or stress. He consults with me about every important step in his life.”
This certainly doesn’t sound like it’s just about sex.
She has become so important to him that he consults with her about every important step in his life. Is this not worth something? We should all be so lucky as to have someone in our lives who we trust and esteem so much that we want to speak to them about everything we do. As far as I’m concerned, if he helps her out financially, it’s in exchange for her consulting services.
Finally, I’m not here as a moral authority. I usually tell women who are dating married men, that they should end the relationship. However, in this case, I knew she would probably not listen, so the next best thing I could do was to help her make the best of a bad situation.
Therefore, as far as I’m concerned, my response was, as usual, on the mark!
About three months ago I began dating an older woman who happens to be 35-years-old. I am 27. We’ve been on a couple of dates since then and have been getting on just great, but in the past month I have not heard from her at all.
I’m guessing it might just be my insecurities, but I feel that I may have been given the flick! I’ve tried getting in contact with her via e-mail and by phone but alas to no avail. I’ve really fallen for this woman.
I’m glad you wrote to me, because it proves that older women are not always the ones who are chasing younger men. More often than not, it’s the other way around!
I don’t have enough information to make an educated guess as to what may have happened. However, I do know that continuing to try to get in touch with her is just going to make matters worse.
You need to leave her alone. If she wants to get back in touch, she will. If you really were getting along great, at some point, she will pop up again.
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
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