Hi Lucia,

I am a new subscriber to your column, and I want to say thank you. I fell upon your Web site just “by chance” on the Internet!

I very much enjoy reading your e-mails and advice and even look forward to receiving them. You’re doing a great service for all of us out here.

Love can be difficult, so it’s great when we have someone like you kicking us in the butt and waking us up!


Hi Bonnie,

Thanks for your kind words. I don’t believe in beating around the bush or tip toeing around an issue. I don’t think that helps anyone in the long run.

If you know the truth, then you know what your options are. To quote Gloria Steinem, “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”

Hi Lucia,

I am a 28-year-old male from Dubai. It’s so interesting to read something that you get to realize how accurately you’ve described me in one of your articles.

I’ve dated a few cougars but I need to know where I can spot them? How do I know if they are looking? I love older women. —Adam

Hi Adam,

Wow, I’ve got readers in Dubai! I’m flattered. Your letter proves that the “cougar revolution” as I like to call it is not just happening in the United States but all over the world.

You can find cougars almost anywhere! Think of where an older woman is most likely to hang out. You probably won’t find one at most nightclubs. You have a better chance of spotting a cougar at a museum, library, bookstore, lecture, gym, supermarket or walking the dog.

You won’t know if an older woman is interested until you talk to her. Make sure she doesn’t have a ring on her finger. Begin a conversation as you would with anyone else.

Watch her body language. Is she smiling? Does she touch you at all – even just a light tap? Does she play with her hair?

Ask for her phone number. If she’s interested, she’ll give it to you (her number that is!).

Dear Lucia,

I sit beside this guy in bible study, and I am attracted to him. I want to talk to him, but I am too shy. I am not sure if he is married.

I asked the pastor, and he said he was divorced but he’s not sure. He was passing out chocolates to everyone last week and said I should take two.

Would it be OK if I gave him a [piece of] gum with a note tucked in, saying, “If you’re single and would like to have someone talk to, here is my e-mail address”?

I know I should talk to him, but I’m shy. I do have good communication skills with other guys, but I get a little nervous with him because I like him.

Should I just take a chance by giving him the gum with the note in it and see how it goes? I feel like when he gave me the chocolate he was trying to get my attention. I hope I am not making a fool out of myself.


Dear Julie,

When I first read your letter, I thought, “I didn’t know children were reading my column.” Then I saw your age (which I’ve eliminated from your e-mail), and it would be funny if it weren’t so sad. Emotionally, your growth seems to have stopped in grade school.

You’re a grown woman, but you’re acting like a schoolgirl. Why would a man be attracted to that, unless he was just looking to hit it and quit it.

You’re also reading way too much into the chocolate incident. It’s possible he was just being nice.

If you’re interested, the only thing you have to do is look good, make eye contact and smile. That’s it!

If he’s interested and available, he’ll take it from there. If not, then move on.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net.

Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net.

Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on www.latalkradio