I met this guy online, and we clicked right away. After two weeks of talking every day, we finally met.
We had chemistry, he’d call me every day to make sure I knew he was interested and I liked that. The main thing we had in common was our honesty towards one another.
The only hold back at the time was that he married his high school sweetheart, they went out for seven years, married for three and he went through a very rough divorce a year ago. He was single for six months and has been dating for the past six months. Prior to me he said he tried to date two girls exclusively and after that, his friends advised him to just date multiple girls until he was “ready.”
After meeting, we went on a few dates, and he told me upfront that he is open to seeing other people, and he was always very honest with everything I asked. He’d tell me all if I asked him.
Since I wasn’t OK with dating other people, we made an agreement that once he went on vacation (three weeks long) we would stop talking and think about where both of us stand and what we want out of this.
He just got back, and after three weeks of not talking we were back to square one. He said he still can’t commit and that it’s too soon for him to be with anyone exclusively.
He threw out an option on the table: for us to stop seeing each other, but still keep in touch. I missed him while he was away. However I’m not sure if I can be friends.
Is he just not into me, or is it just bad timing? Should I stay friends with him?
—Tired of the guessing game gal
Hi Tired,
As my good friend Doc Love says, “Interest level trumps everything.”
This means, that if his interest in you were higher, it wouldn’t be too soon to be exclusive. Can you imagine someone telling Angelina Jolie that it was too soon?
You made a big mistake in the beginning by talking everyday and taking his calls all the time after you met. Men like to feel that you are special and you have a busy life that they have to compete with.
If you’re always available to talk, how much of a challenge is that? I think things could have turned out differently if you had been less available.
I suggest you tell him of course you can be friends, and then do what you should have done all along and not be too available. This means you never call him; only respond to his calls.
Don’t always pick up the phone and don’t always call back the same day. You could even say, “I can’t talk long. My date is picking me up in five minutes.”
This is the only way you can turn things around. You have to go back to square one. I believe he will eventually want to see you again as more than just a friend.
Hi Lucia,
I have met some men who act like jerks or jerk a woman around. How can you efficiently and effectively deal with them?
I don’t want to back down and feel intimidated. Most of the time I tell them directly they are acting like a jerk and that I don’t have time to deal with them.
They also don’t want to see you anymore when refusing to have sex with them. When I first meet them, I tell them that it’s not a topic for discussion and need to wait a while (but I usually don’t hear from them again).
After my last relationship, I am still in a healing process and want to consider myself first.
—Purrcougar
Hi Purrcougar,
The best way to deal with negative people is to not deal with them at all. When someone shows you who they are, just move on. It takes more strength and maturity to walk away than to tell someone off.
You are free to have sex whenever you want to, and if someone doesn’t want to wait, then you haven’t lost anything!
Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net.
Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net.
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Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
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