I am totally in love with this girl … and I know that I can’t have her. Even if I did get her, it wouldn’t be a very healthy relationship. Simply put, I could never trust her. She is kind of a "bad girl/player," which isn’t even my type! Also, we don’t seem to have too much in common … but I have never been so attracted to someone in my life.
Why do I want her so bad? I can’t figure this one out. There doesn’t appear to be any chance for happiness, but I still can’t help myself. In fact, I am actually "taking a break" from her and haven’t talked to her in over two weeks. This doesn’t seem to be working either.
—Joe S.
Dear Joe,
Your first sentence has the answer to all your questions. You know you can’t have her and, therefore, you want her. People that are emotionally immature want things they can’t have simply because they’re hard to get. This is why everyone says they want a Ferrari. Well, I’ve been in several Ferraris and I’ve gotta tell you, I don’t want one – they’re hard to get in and out of, and all the other cars on the road are towering over you.
You’re not in love with her. Don’t be so frivolous with such an important word. Love is admiration and respect, and you can’t feel that for someone you don’t trust. The fact that you are so into her means that she is your type, otherwise, you wouldn’t be interested. Players are not my type, therefore, I’m not attracted to them, available or not.
You’re right, staying away isn’t going to help. It’s like telling yourself that you have to lose weight and you must stay away from pizza. So guess what’s always on your mind? You know the oven is hot, but you still want to touch it, so I say, go ahead. Everyone needs to have their heart broken a few times before they wise up and learn it’s better to run, not walk, away from this type of person.
Dear Lucia,
A few months ago I asked you what my boyfriend meant when he said he loved me but wasn’t in love with me. You responded by saying that it meant that he "no longer wanted to sleep with me." I now see what others did but was too blind to see – the truth.
I would like to thank you for your harsh, but true words. It was a huge slap in the face. I’m glad to say that I’m single and am trying to have a great time, although I’m still heartbroken and am slowing healing. It’s hard trying not to think about him since he was everything to me for the past three years. Forgetting or not thinking about that chapter of my life is very difficult. It’s not easy forgetting three years of my life in four months.
Anyway, just want to say "thanks" for your words. They made me face reality.
—Heartbroken!
Dear Heartbroken,
Knowing that I was able to help you is priceless. I believe in saying it like it is and not beating around the bush. You may have heard the adage, "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." You’re now free to pursue a relationship with someone that will be there for the long haul.
You’re currently going through a grieving period, which isn’t fun, but it is necessary before you can move on. One day you’ll go to sleep and suddenly realize you haven’t thought about your ex all day. I hope that day comes soon for you.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net.
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