Dear Lucia,

I’ve been in a cyber-relationship with a guy who lives in another country for nine months. We see each other every night through the Web cam, and I call him or he calls me almost every day. He looks like he’s really in love when he says it, and his behavior demonstrates what he says.

He wants to marry me and have kids with me. I do too. He’s 24, and I’m 32. He says that he has always liked older women.

I started to feel something very special for him that for a period of time I thought was love, but now I don’t feel that way as much.

Somehow we’ve managed to be apart and not let the relationship get cold because of the distance. I’m not able to go to see him, and he’s not able to come to the United States because he doesn’t have a visa.

Sometimes he’s kind of possessive and controlling. I’ve had some confrontations with him about those issues, and we’ve been getting through them. He’s been very cooperative with those matters saying that he would do anything to make this relationship to work.

However, I recently met someone else in a chat room, and it’s making me think about cheating on my cyber-boyfriend. He lives in another state, but he’s overseas most of the time and does not have enough time for relationships.

We became good friends and have a pretty nice connection since we were born in the same city. I have a blast every time we talk. We talk often over messenger and sometimes over the phone.

Now he wants to meet me and try to be with me in a serious relationship. I’ve told him that since he is almost never home that I’m not interested in that kind of relationship. He said that he wants to try with me because he likes me very much and he’s been thinking about leaving the job he has now and working on something where he doesn’t have to be absent so much.

He seems into me. He tells me that I’m the kind of woman that he would like to spend his time with, and in the future who knows, live together, get married and have kids (He doesn’t have any and hasn’t ever been married.).

We made plans to get together in the next month. I like him a lot, but somehow I don’t trust him.

I’m afraid he might be lying about his life and that he only wants to have sex with me. We already talked about sex and what we like and don’t like. He tells me every time we talk that he wants to be with me and that he’ll make it happen.

Should I meet him and see what happens? If we like each other enough that the chemistry is floating in the air when we meet, should I have sex with him on that first date?

Should I say anything about this to my cyber-boyfriend? If things work out with this guy, how should I break up with my cyber-boyfriend? I know for sure that he’ll be devastated.

—Girl Overseas

Dear Girl,

Wow, you’ll do just about anything not to be in a relationship, won’t you? You’re fooling yourself if you think you’re interested in either one of these guys.

You don’t know anything about them except what they choose to tell you. Until you meet someone face to face, you don’t know whom you’re dealing with.

If you do meet the second guy, DO NOT have sex with him the first time, no matter how much chemistry there is. Your intuition is telling you not to trust him, and you should listen.

You only know him from what he’s told you. Always look at what a man does, not what he says. If a guy just wants to have sex, he will say anything!

As for your “cyber-boyfriend,” if you really need that much attention, you can continue to talk to him, but don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s going to go anywhere.

If you’re really interested in a relationship, you need to find someone in or near your zip code.

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