Dear Lucia,

I am a 47-year-old woman who usually dates younger men. I am dating a 24-year old who so far has proven himself to be unreliable.

He has pursued me, I do not chase after men. Is it his age, or am I dating a player?

I am a very patient person and tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I don’t want to be “played.” Are most 20-something men unreliable and incapable of a committed relationship?


Dear Kim,

Part of it may be his age and part of it may be that he’s just not that interested. I don’t believe in trying to force a commitment.

Observe how he behaves, and if he doesn’t treat you the way you wish to be treated in a relationship, then move on and find someone who will.

Hi Lucia,

Is it OK for a guy to sleep around and see as many women as he likes? Generally such men are not viewed favorably by women.

In fact most quality women, if they even see a hint of this behavior just next the guy straight up. What is a guy to do?


Hi Guy,

I believe one should do what they want, as long as they are not hurting anyone and being honest if anyone asks what their position is. This means, if you want to sleep with a lot of women and you don’t have a commitment with anyone, go ahead.>br> However, it is up to you to be clear to the women you sleep with that you are not looking for a commitment and that you are not exclusive. Some will accept this and some won’t. It just depends on what they are looking for at the time.

Hi Lucia,

For the past year and a half, I’ve been involved with a man whom I lived with until a few months ago. We broke up because of domestic violence.

I have put my best foot forward in every aspect, assisting him with a resume from which he was able to get steady employment, helped him out financially, legal issues from the past, etc.

Prior to the domestic violence situation, it came to my attention he was having sex with my niece and has yet to admit the betrayal. He does not seem to have any remorse, saying had “I kept it real,” we’d still be living together.

He doesn’t seem to show much compassion toward me for the hurt caused. What should I do?


Dear Patti,

This guy sounds like trouble with a capital T. I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to domestic violence. If anyone touches one hair on your head, it’s game over.

On top of that he slept with your niece and is trying to manipulate you with the “kept it real” comment. He doesn’t deserve your assistance.

I suggest you “keep it real smart” and have nothing further to do with him.

Dear Lucia,

After a lot of patience and some advice from you, I developed a wonderful relationship with a man I had known casually. During our time together (about nine months), he developed a progressive medical condition and I stuck with him and took care of him ... usually at his house, sometimes at mine.

One weekend he asked me to take him to the local ER to get some answers about his medications. The hospital admitted him for tests, and I helped him call his family to inform them that he was there.

They came, got him discharged and took him (permanently) to live with them in a distant town. They never discussed it with me. They totally cut me out.

How can I get him to come home?


Dear Rosa,

You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to do. If he wants to come back, nothing can stop him. If he doesn’t, nothing can make him.

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