Dear Lucia,

I am writing because I need an excellent strategist to help me. I am in love with a very difficult man. He is impossible to talk to. My goal is to marry this wonderful man and have children with him.

I’ve been working in a nightclub for years, and this man is a customer. We got together in November of 2007. The intensity of feelings caught us both by surprise.

Within days we were crazy about each other. I thought I had finally found true love. Skeptical as I am, I never thought this would be possible.  

Then he left the country – he lives on another continent. We never spoke on the phone.  He sent me a text once stating that he missed me.

He came back in April of 2008, and again he said he missed me and that he wants me in his life. He said that all the people he knows always take energy from him, and I was the only one who gave him energy.

We had phone sex that night. Three days later he left without having gotten together.

I tried to call him, but he didn’t respond. I sent texts. Sometimes he responded, sometimes he didn’t.

The next time he was in town we met and made love. The next morning he was gone.

Two months later he came back and met me immediately upon his arrival. The next day he missed our lunch date and didn’t bother to call. That night he called at 2 a.m. to say he was with a friend of the family all day.

Two weeks later he came back and sent me a text saying he missed me a lot and couldn’t wait to see me. This was his longest text ever. I said I felt the same.

He didn’t contact me for days. We ran into each other at a nightclub, but he started dancing with another girl. The next day he left.

I wrote this “novel” to explain how short our communication always was, but how intense our meetings always were. I need to know how to get this man.

Is there any chance? I am willing to do what it takes – play games, move continents, change jobs, anything.

I have never loved anyone like this before. I would like to know what to do.


Dear Sophia,

Wow. What a soap opera. I felt like I was reading a romance novel, but without the romance.

I want you to read the first paragraph of your e-mail to me. You’re in love with a difficult man who is impossible to talk to? Does that sound like a great life partner?

You hardly know this guy. You’ve had a few interactions; he barely keeps in touch when he’s not in town and you’ve had sex a few times, which always clouds everything.

I think you’re in love with the feeling of being in love. Yes, it’s a great feeling. However, in order for it to work the feeling has to be mutual.

I’m sorry, but I think there’s very little you can do. It’s hard enough to keep a long-distance relationship going if the person is in another city, but this guy is on another continent! He may as well be on another planet.

Enjoy the time you do spend with him and rejoice in the fact that you’re able to feel such intense feelings, however, keep in mind he doesn’t feel the same.

Hi Lucia,

I have a friend, Alan May, who forwarded me your video on cougar terminology. When I saw your clip, it was like confirmation equivalent to finding Noah’s Ark.

For years, Alan claimed to know the origins of the term “cougar.” He said one of his hockey teammates, Taylor Hall, was the originator. Alan played NHL Hockey for 10 years with Taylor.

The term got picked up by a small movie producer and used in a film, which seemed to help spread its usage. Maybe you knew this already, but hope I could be of assistance and give credit where it’s due.


Hi Drew,

Thanks so much for the information. I knew the term came from a hockey team, so it’s nice to know the exact origin!

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