My bf says he loves me, but sometimes I’m not sure how true it is. He talks to all these different girls on myspace.com, and their pictures aren’t exactly something I like him looking at. It’s not my place to tell him whom he can and can’t talk to, but I think he’s flirting with these other girls. He joined groups like "fun with sex," "single and looking," "guys and girls" and others like that. His relationship status says "single." Am I taking things the wrong way?
—Kate
Dear Kate,
I must say, your letter blew me away. At first I thought it might be a joke. After all, can someone really be that much in denial? Unfortunately, the answer is, YES! I have so much to say that I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s start from the top.
Your e-mail was titled "desperate to save the love." Excuse me? What love are you talking about? You may think you love him, but honey, love is the last thing on his mind. Oh, I know, I know. He said he loved you. OK, I’m saying I have a million dollars in the bank. Guess what? We’re both lying. Guys know that as long as they talk a good game, they can usually get away with murder (criminal defense attorneys know this too). Remember: Actions speak louder than words. Close your ears and open your eyes.
It’s interesting that you should mention Myspace.com. I too have a profile there, however I make it very clear that I am on there for networking purposes only. Is this because I have a commitment? Yes – to my career. However, this still doesn’t stop guys from contacting me, trying to get a date. So what types of e-mails do you think your boyfriend is getting if he says he’s single?
Finally, the icing on the cake was when you said: Am I taking things the wrong way? Aaarrghhh!! Unfortunately, this is the typical female response when they don’t want to let go of a guy they know is not good for them. They blame themselves, because they know that if they actually acknowledged that their partner was wrong, they would no longer have an excuse for staying in a bad situation. Not to get dramatic, but this is the type of thinking that keeps women in abusive relationships. The TV show "The Insider" recently did a story on a woman that managed to survive after having half her face blown off by her ex boyfriend. Gee, I wonder if she also thought she was taking things the wrong way? I don’t know if you’re being physically abused, but I do know you’re being mentally and emotionally abused.
If you need proof that he’s not being faithful, why don’t you put up your own ad on Myspace (with a different name and photo of course) and find out what he’s been posting in the groups he belongs too. Send him an e-mail telling him you think he’s hot and want to meet him. Don’t be too surprised if he falls for the bait.
In reading my response, I hope you’ve come to the realization that you need to bail. There is nothing for you here. One of the wisest decisions you’ll ever make will be to cut your losses and move on. One of the stupidest decisions you’ll ever make will be to stay. The choice is up to you. I hope you make the right one.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net.
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