Hi Lucia,

I am very interested in this guy at work. He is 22, and I am 25. He is a virgin, and I am very experienced. For some reason I am extremely attracted to him, despite his mild nerdiness and lack of social skills.

When I first started working at my job we went on a couple of dates. He seemed very interested in me and was spouting sexual innuendo constantly.

When I eventually tried to follow through (have sex) he “freaked out” mid make out session. He asked me if things would be awkward at work, and when I said, “No, we would be friends as usual and nothing would change,” he responded by saying we should take it more slowly and get to know each other.

I suppose this may be right, but after that night he became really shy and awkward at work. He could barely look me in the eyes, but when he did he smiled and gave me that look – you know – the twinkley eyes?

He ended up breaking it off within a couple of days. I was totally shocked and bummed.

We now can barely speak to each other (Mainly because when I do, he freaks out, says something awkward and then runs away.).

I don’t know what to do. I have to see him every day and drool over him, which is torturous. Plus I feel like he is still attracted to me but is scared or intimidated.

I can’t figure out how to make him feel comfortable again! What do you suggest?

—Alle

Hi Alle,

If he is running away from you (literally and figuratively), then you need to stop chasing. If no one is chasing him, he has no reason to run.

Think of him as you would a cat. If you notice them, they will run away from you if you try to go near them. However, if you ignore them, they eventually get curious and come over to see what you’re all about.

While you want to continue being friendly, you should actually be the one to run away from him. Since he seems to have trouble even talking to you, just smile and keep walking when you see him.

Do not try to initiate a conversation. Don’t even say, “Hi.” Your mantra is: Smile and keep walking.

If he’s interested, he’ll eventually want to start talking to you again. You will still need to let him take the initiative.

Don’t ask him out, don’t try to get together. Basically, let him lead and see where this leads to.



Dear Lucia,

I was in a year and a half relationship with a younger guy. It just recently ended, and I think it was mostly due to my worrying about our age difference. I continued to have so many doubts even after he would continue to reassure me that my age didn’t matter.

We were going to be engaged, and I sabotaged that as well. I felt we weren’t accepted socially, which was – I now realize – ridiculous.

I am really hurting, but I wanted to tell my story and give women the confidence that I didn’t have, so that they don’t lose their relationship for the same reasons or end things before they have a chance to begin.

—Lori

Dear Lori,

I’m sorry to hear that you are in so much pain, because it could have been avoided. Older women/younger men relationships are not yet accepted by most people, but that’s no reason to avoid them. If someone has a problem with this type of relationship, it’s their problem, not the couple’s problem.

I’ve made it my mission to make the “Cougar” lifestyle more socially acceptable so that people don’t have to feel embarrassed or ashamed because they are attracted to someone who is much older/younger.

As more and more people jump on the bandwagon, it will not be as taboo as it is today. I believe in five to 10 years, these relationships will no longer be such a big deal.



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