Dear Lucia,

Should I make any attempt to contact my ex to say that I forgive her? Our relationship ended badly with her going after someone else.

I have all this resentment and it keeps me thinking about her. I have tried to stop dwelling over it but I feel that contacting her is the only option I have left. I feel I need to make peace.


Dear J.T.,

Have you heard the expression, "Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself"? People think that forgiving someone means the other person has "won" and they’ve somehow "lost."

As with most things in today’s world, that is the total opposite of how it really is. You forgive someone so that you can have peace within yourself. By holding on to anger and resentment you are still holding on to that person, even if they are no longer in your life. You’re still carrying a cross that bears their name.

The opposite of love is indifference, not hate. If someone is angry with you, they still care about you on some level. That’s why people in dysfunctional relationships try to make each other angry – that way they know the other person still cares.

If you’ve truly forgiven her, take what positive lessons you’ve learned from being with her and move on with your life. There’s really no need to call her. She probably couldn’t care less whether you forgive her or not. Let it go.

Dear Lucia,

What are some things that would make a guy not approach a girl when she has always shown an interest, and is friendly and open to conversation with him? Does the saying still stand that if a guy really likes someone he will do whatever it takes to get the girl, even though he may be shy?

—Julianna K.

Dear Julianna,

Yes, if a guy is interested he will do whatever he has to, to get the girl. The issue is that so many guys today have the attitude that they’re going to let the women chase them. This makes for lazy men and confused women (like you).

However, you can bet your bottom dollar (whatever that means) that if a guy is interested in a girl and she has shown interest – but isn’t making a move to ask him out – he will eventually step up to the plate.

There could be several reasons for your male friend acting this way: 1) He’s already involved with someone else, 2) He’s waiting to see if you’ll make a move first or 3) He’s not interested.

I say to wait. If he’s interested he’ll ask you out. If he’s not or he’s otherwise involved, he won’t. It’s really very simple.

Dear Lucia,

How can someone give advice on matters of the heart from the mind? The two aren’t even on the same plane, ya know?

—Oni N.

Dear Oni,

You’re right, they are not on the same plane – and thank God for that! Emotions don’t have an IQ, meaning their IQ is zero! Even an idiot has an IQ of 19 or less. This means that you’re acting no smarter than an idiot when you make decisions based solely on emotions.

A perfect example is cigarette smoking. By now, everyone knows it is very bad for your health. Have the cigarette companies gone out of business? Hell no!

When people reach for a smoke, they’re seeking an emotional (IQ of 0) solution. When people reach out to me, they’re seeking an intellectual (IQ of 122) solution. Which solution do you prefer?

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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