Hi Lucia,

I was online recently when my ex, who is friends with my current boyfriend, came online and started to flirt with me. I flirted back.

I lied to my boyfriend, saying I was going to bed, and few hours later he found out from my ex that we were flirting when he thought I was sleeping. That’s when he started to not trust me.

He doesn’t treat me the same anymore. He talks to me harshly, calling me a cheap girl, disgusting and more.

I want to make it up to him. I want to have a healthy relationship with him like we used to, but I don’t know how.

—Diashdak

Hi Diashdak,

He has every right to not trust you. You’re supposed to be in a relationship with him, and here you are flirting with your ex. Are you sure you’re over him?

You need to ask your guy what you can do to regain his trust. Then you need to follow through and be where you say you’re going to be, doing what you said you would be doing. If he’s willing to give you a second chance, you can slowly regain his trust that way.

As for the ex, I think he’s trying to break the two of you up. I would stay far, far away from him.



Dear Lucia,

I’m 31 years old, married to a 39-year-old man for four years now. My husband’s previous relationship was with a woman 11 years older than him.

She is a very nice lady, beautiful and funny, and their relationship lasted for four years. He left her for me six years ago.

I’m envious that I don’t have the same experiences and the same confidence she has, and I think that this is important for my husband. He is very mature and very logical; I’m very emotional and an artistic spirit.

They write to each other every five to six months but don’t ever speak on the phone.

A month ago my husband sent her an email that said, “I still think of you everyday.”

She never ever writes back anything that seems erotic. I think she only wants his friendship.

Once when we had a fight he wrote to her, “My wife is so immature, she drives me crazy sometimes.”

What does he mean? Do you think he wants to be with her again or that he is only her friend?

I never feel like I’m “enough” for him. There is always something missing, and I don’t know what it is.

Sometimes I feel he is still in love with his ex. Other times I’m trying not to be so insecure. I cry every day thinking about how to deal with that.

He doesn’t know any of this is happening, he thinks everything is OK. I can’t let myself be happy. My smile is fake; my heart is broken. Our relationship looks perfect, he seems very happy with me.

I’m very confused. What can I do to win this competition?

I know I may lose the game, but at least I can try, I really love him. I want his children. But I can’t live under these circumstances with him.

I know it’s crazy that I check his e-mail, but it’s the only way to know what’s going on. I want to stop that – I hate it. It’s very hard for me, because I can’t tell anyone how painful it is to spy in my husband’s e-mail account and read things like that.  

—Vicky

Dear Vicky,

One of the cornerstones of any relationship, but especially marriage, is trust. Your husband has not given you any reason not to trust him.

Writing to his ex twice a year is nothing. This is about you and your insecurities.

I would suggest you speak to a therapist about what is going on. You are threatened by his ex, and yet, he left her for you!

If he wanted to be with her, he would be. If, however, you don’t seek help and get a grip on your issues, he may wish he was with her!



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