Lucia,

I can’t believe your advice to Nancy. She has to be 40ish, and she’s dating her 17-year-old daughter’s friends!

Her older daughter hit the nail on the head. She is pathetic and embarrassing and can’t find guys her own age that want anything to do with her.

I would have asked her why she can’t find men in her appropriate age range. She says they have “a lot in common,” which certainly shows her level of maturity. But since you see yourself as some type of “cougar,” I guess you feel that your advice is warranted as it justifies your lifestyle.

Maybe Nancy can find a 19-year-old for you as well, you should ask her. I should start asking my teenage niece to set me up with her friends as I’m in awesome shape and only 50, if it’s all about what makes me feel good, right?

I’m sure we’d have lots to talk about. I’m picturing a 19-year-old boy on a date, holding hands with someone his mom’s age.

The scenario is ridiculous, as well as it would be for me to be on a date with a teenager. I have to wonder what his issues are when he would date someone that old instead of a hottie his own age, but we’ve all heard of the Oedipus Complex.

Grow up, Nancy. You have two daughters and need to be their role model, not competing for their dates.  

—R.B.

Dear R.B.,

When people talk about finding love, they use the word soul mate, not age mate. This is because what we are all seeking is a deep connection on a soul level, and a soul is ageless and timeless. It doesn’t depend on chronological age.

Antiquated, narrow minded, outdated, unenlightened, useless, non-progressive and judgmental 20th century thinking such as yours is one of the main reasons older women who are still young at heart and have a childlike spirit seek the company of younger men.

My motto has always been, “Live and let live.” I believe you may find life a bit easier if you were to adopt the same attitude.



Dear Lucia,

I am at a loss at what to do about a guy whom I dated about a year ago. We dated for a while and talked marriage, but he dumped me very quickly and suddenly. He said that he couldn’t date me any longer as he couldn't handle being in a relationship while he was settling his divorce and selling his property.

The problem is that he stays in touch by messaging and phone calls. Just when I forget him, he rings up and gets my hopes up again.

However, he doesn’t want to see me. He says that he’ll see me “very soon” and will then end the conversation suddenly.

I have tried to cut this off at times and stated that it was emotionally unhealthy for me. I have been out dating other guys but haven’t found anyone I really like yet.

I know I need to cut him off, but I don’t want to just ignore his calls until he gets the message. I’d like to end things in a powerful way. The current situation makes me feel weak and puts me in a situation where he calls all the shots.

It is exactly like you described in your article on “Positive Partial Reinforcement” of feeling like it’s a hit on a poker machine: getting little amounts of attention at times but no big jackpot. It is addictive in a pathetic kind of way.  

—Gayle

Dear Gayle,

Trying to cut someone off and actually doing it are two different things. His phone calls give you a temporary high, that’s why you continue to take them. You keep hoping that one day he will finally ask to see you.

You need to accept that he is not the man for you and is simply stringing you along for his own ego gratification. Only then will it be easy for you to tell him that you are no longer interested in hearing from him and will actually follow through and not take his calls.



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