With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice – after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.
SHOW ME WHO YOU ARE
We’ve all had relationships that we’ve looked back on and thought, "What was I thinking?’’ Problem is, you probably weren’t thinking. You based your decision strictly on chemistry and first impressions and, in the words of Elvis Presley, "That’s when your heartaches begin."
Would you like to make better choices in the future? Then this is your lucky day.
Imagine you have an empty wall over your sofa and are looking for the perfect piece of art with which to cover it. Let’s make believe there’s a gallery in town that’s known for having great paintings, but there’s one problem. All their artwork is covered up except for one small corner. If you decide you like something, you can either buy it without seeing what the whole thing looks like or you can go back each week as a bit more is revealed.
Do you get where I’m going with this? Most people fall for a corner of the painting and immediately decide that this would be the perfect piece of art for a wall that has been bare for far too long. Instead of returning each week to the gallery to learn a bit more, they make up their minds on the spot. It is only weeks or months later when the cover is off that they see what they’re really dealing with.
I doubt anyone would ever buy art in this fashion, yet this is exactly what you’re doing when you first meet someone and either instantly – or within days or weeks – decide you want them to be your partner. You’re only seeing a corner of the painting. If you had waited to see what the rest looked like, you may have chosen to move on instead.
What’s the solution? When meeting someone new, your motto should be, "Show me who you are and I’ll decide where you fit in my life, if anywhere." Instead of trying or hoping to have someone in your life, let the person show you who they are by their words, actions and non-actions. Then you can decide what category to place them in.
Let’s say you’re looking for a committed relationship. You meet someone and at first everything seems great. Then they start to become unreliable, don’t call when they say they will, cancel dates, show up two hours late, and more. You’ve just been shown that they are not to be taken seriously. If you’ve already brought them home and placed them in that empty space above your sofa (your heart), it will be more difficult to walk away than if you had just gone to the gallery each week to find out who they were. Ce n’est pas?
Once a guy tried to get my number for several months, but I wasn’t interested, so I didn’t give it to him. One day he mentioned that he had been tanning at a friend’s pool. I thought it might be fun to go with him sometime, so he gave me his number. I called on a Saturday afternoon, to see about going on Sunday. Well, this guy who was so interested in my number beforehand, didn’t call back. When I saw him the following Monday, I asked, "What happened? You never called back." He said, "I had a crazy weekend."
Does that mean he couldn’t find five minutes to call me back? I doubt it, but it did show me who he was. If I wasn’t interested before, I was even less interested now.
Let people show you who they are and then you can decide if they fit into your life.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net.
Watch "The Art of Love" on the Comcast Public Access Channel on Wed., May 4 at 8:30 p.m. The topic: SEX.
"The Art of Love" is sponsored by JEWELTOPIA, 10873 Pico
Blvd. & Glendale Galleria.