Dear Lucia,

I don’t know why but younger men seem to come after me, and I just don’t know how to go about it. Men around my age don’t show any interest in me.

I’m in my early 50s, and men as young as 25 years of age are showing an interest in me. I get a mixed up feeling of wanting to enjoy life with them, and at the same time I’m worried what the world or people would think. I also am not sure if they know what they are looking for, although at the same time I like what is happening to me.

I just left a 25-year-old man, and I’m now with a 28 year old. He is just all over me, and I think I may be falling in love with him.

Please tell me if I’m doing the right thing. I want to be with him. I’m scared, but I’m not sure of what.

—Chi Chi

Dear Chi Chi,

As I’ve said many times before and will continue to say, it’s no longer about age, but about energy. If you are attracted to younger men and they are attracted to you, then what is the problem?

Yes, I know it’s still not totally accepted by society, and it probably never will be accepted by everyone, however, I believe in about 10 years, it won’t be such a big deal.

What you’re afraid of is the unknown. Like everyone, you’re looking for a guarantee, but that’s not possible. Follow your heart and don’t worry about what the world or people will think. It’s really none of their business, and often, it’s just jealousy!

Hi Lucia,

My heart is broken. I am 28 years old, and I am in love with a 32-year-old guy.

We love and care for each other, but the problem is that our genotype did not match. We are not ready to leave each other. This is unfair. What should we do?


Dear Ify,

I had never heard of a genotype until your letter. As I understand it, the offspring of a certain combination of genotypes are more likely to have health issues.

You didn’t say this was your fiancé, so you don’t even know if you will be getting married to each other.

As I see it, you have several choices. You can certainly break up, though that doesn’t sound like something you want to do. You can continue to see each other, and if you do end up marrying each other, you can either adopt or have children and deal with the health issues that arise.

Dear Lucia,

I recently noticed a pattern in my relationship history. Ever since I first became interested in the opposite sex, I found myself getting crushes on guys who were unattainable or unavailable (had a girlfriend, popular and therefore out of my league, whatever).

As I became an adult, those unrequited crushes continued (including two gay guys and one who I’m almost certain is gay but closeted), but I also expanded my repertoire to include guys who were sicker than I was and, I felt, needed someone to take care of them.

When I left my last boyfriend (who had anger issues and kids with three different women, and was unfaithful besides), I made myself a promise that I wasn’t going to date for a while, but I developed a crush on a male friend who had just gotten divorced (from wife No. 3). I got over that, but I’ve recently started falling for a married man I’ve been corresponding with online.

I want to break my pattern, and I know what I need to do, but how do I follow through with the commitment and not give in to the need to have someone – anyone – to love me?


Dear F.,

Wow! I’ve heard of dating unavailable men, but this is ridiculous! This isn’t about the guys but you, since you are the common denominator. I strongly suggest therapy to see why you are drawn to men you know will not be good candidates for a relationship.

In the meantime, when you first meet someone, immediately start looking for red flags and deal breakers. When you see them, please try to move on!

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