Hi Lucia,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost six years. We were high school sweethearts. Our relationship turned into a long-distance love in 2005.

Recently she told me that she went for a date with a doctor (She is a nurse trainee.), and it was unplanned. She told me she had fallen in love with the doctor, and apparently the doctor had feelings for her. The catch is, on the way back to her dorm, she told him about me and said she is not available. The doctor accepted that and told her the best of luck.

However, that encounter changed my GF’s heart. She was in a dilemma, whether to keep me or to pursue the doctor’s love (The doctor does not want to have anything to do with her anymore since she told him she wasn’t available.). She felt very guilty for cheating on me, that’s why she told me quickly about the encounter.

I refused to let her go, but in the end, I learned that she was lonely. I had ignored her and took her for granted.

She is right. Being together for almost six years made me complacent. She said she loved me, but the passion is not there. Her heart was divided now. She’s in love with two men.

I told her I want to change, and I did. I showed her care, attention, etc., but in the end, she couldn’t make up her mind. She couldn’t get rid of that doctor from her head, even though he doesn’t love her.

At the same time, she doesn’t want to lose me. I love her, and I don’t want to lose this relationship either.

Being together helps, but it acts as a temporary solution. We went out together and even had sex last week, but this week she became confused again. I told her I’m willing to change to win her heart back. This week we will meet again, and I will try to mend our broken relationship again.

Do I have to repair my relationship because at the same time, I know I’m no match for this doctor? He is closer to her than I am, because by the end of this month, I’m going back to my university. The closest man wins, that’s what people say.

Is the relationship worth saving? She told me she loves me, but when I asked her whether she’s going to work together with me to repair the relationship, she told me, “I will try.” She told me she wants me back but was unsure whether she could stay faithful to me again.

Do I have to ask her to forget the doctor? What if she is still unwilling to let go of her feelings for the doctor?

She said she wants me, but her heart is divided. How am I going to heal that heart? How do I make her love me back as before?

—Aaron

Hi Aaron,

This is a difficult situation, made even more difficult because of the distance. She said she doesn’t know if she can stay faithful. Are you sure you want to try to make this work if that is her attitude? Only you can decide if the relationship is worth saving.

You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to do. If she doesn’t want to forget the doctor, she won’t.

If her interest level in him is higher than her interest level in you, the only way to get him out of the picture is to raise her interest level in you. This means that you behave as you did at the beginning of the relationship, when things were light, happy and fun. By doing this, her heart may become less divided.

You can’t “make” her love you as she did before. However, by following my advice, she will be more inclined to get back to how she felt before.

Don’t pressure her or continue to bring up the relationship or the doctor. Give her space, and in doing so she may understand whom she really wants to be with.



Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net.



Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net.



Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com.



Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.



The Art of Love is sponsored by Cougar Energy Drink.