Dear Lucia,

Would it be wrong to tell a guy I had one date with that I like him and find him attractive?

—Julie

Dear Julie,

Yes, it would be very wrong! You are hoping that by telling him you like him, he will like you in return. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.

As my good friend Doc Love says, you need: confidence, control and challenge. By revealing your feelings so soon, you are killing mystery and challenge.

Guys need to feel as if they have won a prize. They will not think you have high value if you are such an easy conquest.

You also show that you have no self-control, because you feel the need to show your “hand” right away. If you can’t control yourself at this stage of the game, he sub-consciously wonders how you will be able to control yourself with him in the future when things start getting more serious.

Not having self-control also shows a lack of confidence. Both sexes find a confident partner very attractive.

As you can see, by not following the three “C”s, you will quickly eliminate any attraction on his part. Show you care, but don’t say it yet!



Dear Lucia,

I am 16, and my ex is 14. We have been separated for five months. He wouldn’t tell me why he broke up with me, but eventually he told me it was because since he was younger, he thought I would avoid him and neglect him.

I still want him. Every time I see him I know for sure it’s meant to be, but sometimes by the way he treats me it leads me to wonder if I really deserve him.

He tells me he loves me constantly and hugs me continually, but when I let him know I’m willing to get back together, he tells me he needs to think about it. From that I understand he’s not ready for another relationship so I gave him space and treated him as a friend.

He recently went to Miami and texts me constantly. I think he misses me, but I really need to know if I am wasting my time.

—Confused Cutie

Dear Confused Cutie,

I was going to answer your question, until I e-mailed you back asking how old you were. I have decided not to answer the question you asked because I don’t believe teenagers should be dating.

Yes, I know it goes against what 99.9 percent of people believe, but I’ve never been one to go along with the crowd. As a dating/relationship expert, I have to look at things objectively and pragmatically.

You are both still children, playing an adult’s game. There will be plenty of time for dating, breaking up, making up, etc. when you are older. You are only young once, but you will be an adult the rest of your life.

I was not allowed to date in high school, so I was able to focus on what I needed to focus on, which was a good education. I was a straight A student and a voracious reader. This helped me become the person I am today.

If I had been worrying about why someone broke up with me, if he was going to come back and how I should handle it, I would have taken the energy I should have been putting into my school work into someone that was only going to be a blip on my screen.

This is a time to enjoy growing up, your family and your friends. This is the time to be carefree, since you probably don’t have a lot of responsibilities.

You should not be distracted by a 14-year-old boy. It’s OK to have male friends and to hang out in groups, but actual dating at this age is a waste of time.

Please stop worrying about him and start thinking about you!



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