Dear Lucia,

I am 20 years old and am currently in a physical relationship with a woman who is 41 years old. We go out to eat and spend time together every now and then. I find myself interested in wanting a more serious relationship.

I understand that plenty of people think the age difference is too large, but for someone my age, I have a lot going on. I currently work two jobs and attend a very prestigious college. I am earning about 42k a year.

It may be enough to get me through school and put away for savings but not quite support her. She is struggling with expenses, has been laid off and is working at the gym that I go to.

We are great friends, have a lot in common and just love being around each other. I will be starting a fairly good job with a bank at the end of this year and will be able to provide for her financially, so finances won’t be an issue.

How do I go about telling her? What do you think I should say or do? If everything works out with her, how do I go about explaining this to my family?

My mother is not the issue being that my father got transferred down to Florida so the both of them are far away, but I take care of my grandmother from time to time. She is very traditional and set in her ways, and I have a very good relationship with her.

She has helped me pay for school and let me stay at her place until I found the right apartment. I am thankful for everything my grandmother has done, but I don’t want anyone to get in the way of my happiness.

I want to be sure my family accepts her and treats her well. Any advice or assistance you could give me would be greatly appreciated.

—Peter

Dear Peter,

Wow. Are you sure you’re only 20? There are guys twice your age who don’t have your maturity, so bravo.

Are you sure about wanting to have a serious relationship with this woman? You’re not at all interested in “sowing your wild oats,” so to speak?

Also, could it be that the sex is so great that you are getting caught up? I think you are moving too quickly here, especially for your age.

Even if you want to get more serious, how do you know she wants to? She may be totally surprised that you are considering moving things to the next level.

Why don’t you have a conversation about where things are headed and see where she stands on all this? With your maturity level, I know you won’t have a problem finding the right thing to say.

In terms of the finances, I don’t think your lady is expecting you to support her. As long as you can pull your own weight financially in the relationship, that’s all that matters.

As to your family, why don’t you cross that bridge when you get to it?



Hi Lucia,

My boyfriend saw me with a male friend, and he wasn’t happy about it. He asked if I was seeing anyone. He clearly showed that he was jealous and hurt.

I’m not sure if he still has feelings for me, as he had recently said he didn’t love me anymore, but in an angry manner. Is it true that when you don’t love someone anymore you can’t get jealous of him or her?

—Jen

Hi Jen,

The opposite of love is indifference. If someone continues to show emotions, either positive or negative, they still care.

Are you doing something to make him feel as if he can’t trust you or is he just insecure? It sounds as if you two need to sit down and figure out where his feelings of jealousy and insecurity are coming from.



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