With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice – after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.
Dear Lucia,
I’ve been dating a married but separated man for over six months. When we
first met, he was two-years separated from his wife of eight years. We really
connected and enjoy dating each other. I’m taking it slow due to the circumstances.
He has made no effort to file for divorce or even move his wife’s things
out. She does not know about me and she wants to work things out with him –
he does not. I know he cares a lot for me but I don’t want to be a rebound.
Should I end it?
—Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Ughhh! What is it with you women who date married men? Aren’t there enough
single men to go around? How would you feel if you were separated and wanted to
reunite with your husband, but he was doing (oops, I mean dating) someone else?
People that are married should be left alone to either work things out or go their
separate ways without third parties (that would be you) interfering.
Let’s look at the facts: He hasn’t filed for divorce, he hasn’t moved out his wife’s belongings and he hasn’t told his wife about you. Sounds to me like he just wanted to take a break from being married for awhile and pretend he was single again, knowing that he could go back to his wife when he was ready. Should you end it? Hell yeah!
Dear Lucia,
I went on a date with a guy from London. He then stopped by L.A. for an evening
to hang out with me on his way to a business trip in Seattle. I didn’t want
to kiss him or let him give me a massage when he asked to. Since then, he hasn’t
called me – just two short e-mails.
I’m starting to miss him and I’m falling for him! I was going to call him to ask when he’ll be in the States again. I know he travels all the time, mostly to the East Coast, and I want to meet him there. Is it wise to do so?
He’s so my type of guy. I realize how much spiritually and intellectually
I am attracted to him. We click! Life is short and I won’t find his type
of guy in L.A. – no way! I think it’s worth it to see him again even
if I pay for the air ticket.
—Dorothy
Dear Dorothy,
Please tell me you’re in your early 20s, because you’re behaving like
a silly little girl. Unfortunately, the scenario you describe in not uncommon
in women of all ages. You’re looking for your prince charming, and after
seeing someone twice, you have him up on a pedestal and think he’s the one.
It’s called "projection," because you’re projecting onto him
the qualities that you’re looking for in a man and assuming he has them.
STOP IT!
You hardly know the guy and you miss him? What’s to miss? I think what you miss is having a man in your life. Life may be short, but it can sure get long when you’re waiting for the phone call that never comes.
He wanted to give you a massage on your second date? I think he was looking for an L.A. booty call, and when he saw it wasn’t going to happen, he wasn’t interested (thus, the two short e-mails). He’s written you off, but not completely, just in case.
You’re wrong about not being able to find this type of guy in L.A. There are plenty of them – they’re called players. Save your money and look for someone whose number doesn’t begin with "011…"
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Watch Lucia’s show, "The Art of Love," on Adelphia Public Access on Friday, May 13 at 8 p.m.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net
"The Art of Love" is sponsored by JEWELTOPIA, 10873 Pico Blvd. & Glendale Galleria.
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