Why is it that some women always seem to have guys falling in love with them, while other women – even though they may be hotter, smarter, etc. – always seem to have problems no matter who they date? If you could talk to one of the women who “naturally” have men literally worshipping the floor they walk on, what would they tell you?

I recently interviewed Rita, a beautiful girl from Hungary, whose boyfriends always seem to fall madly in love with her. I had to find out what her “secrets” were.

I discovered there were three main things she was doing that I believe are the keys to unlocking this mystery. These are all things I already knew about, but somehow, hearing them from someone who is having successful relationships as opposed to reading about it in a book or article, really brought the message home.

Love only those who love you: How often do we bang our heads against the wall trying to figure out how to get a guy? If someone doesn’t seem that interested or even rejects us, we want them even more!

Rita says, “If I don’t get signs that the person appreciates me, I will not run after them. I know what I’m worth. It doesn’t mean that I’m not good enough – that person probably doesn’t see all my qualities. Nothing good can come out of running after him and hoping that one day he’ll see who I am. If he doesn’t see you, he will not treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”

How long should you wait? Generally, the guy will know fairly soon if you’re someone he wants to have a relationship with or not. Your job is to show up as your best self, and if you see that “he’s just not that into you,” then don’t continue to put energy into him.

Is there someone you know is interested in you whom you’ve been ignoring because you were so focused on someone who isn’t interested? Going to where you’re wanted is so much easier than constantly analyzing what someone said and did, trying to figure out what they’re thinking.

If you don’t know what a guy is thinking, then he probably isn’t thinking “She’s the one!” As Shakespeare said, “Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better.”

Be a friend first: Instead of putting pressure on a budding relationship by thinking that person may be the love of your life, build a friendship first. Think of your closest friends. The friendships probably developed casually and easily. You found yourself doing more things together, and before you knew it, they were one of your closest friends.

Dr. Paul Dobransky, author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, says, “Friendship is consistent, mutual, shared positive emotion.”

Rita says she asks for advice and talks about herself, not in an effort to impress the other person, but to let them into her life. She takes a calm, casual attitude and doesn’t play games.

“If you start playing, then they will start playing and it won’t be real. To have real love, you have to be real. Love is a true feeling. You can’t fake it. Be a true person to get true feelings,” she shares.

Be open to love: If you’re not open to it, both consciously and subconsciously, then you will not find it. It’s like having the door to your heart half open. No one will ever fully be able to come in.

Rita says, “When you experience love, you have no fear or suspicions. It’s an amazing experience, but you have to be open to it. You have to ask yourself if you really want to be in love. Some people don’t. Maybe they’re afraid, so they keep getting into relationships where there is a third party involved, because in the back of their mind, they are afraid of commitment. They find someone who they know will not want to commit.”

By choosing wisely, by loving only those who love you and treat you nicely and by being a friend and being open to love, you too can have an amazing love life.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net.

Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net.

Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.