Hi Lucia,

I had three dinners with a man I met at church. I was totally smitten.

I asked him if he was interested in me. He told me he’s bisexual, and I don’t meet his criteria for an attraction!

I thought my gaydar was really honed, but this was shocking. How did this happen?

—A.M.

Hi A.M.,

Technically, he’s not gay, he’s bi. That may have made it harder for your gaydar to pick up the “signals.”

What’s bothersome for me is that even though he’s not attracted to you, he had dinner with you three times! When you asked him about his interest, his answer was rude.

He could have simply said he didn’t feel a connection. Bi or straight, his remark was uncalled for. Be happy you found this out sooner rather than later.



Hi Lucia,

There is this guy I’m interested in. I sent him a can of Crush with a message, “I have a crush on you, and if you don’t want to be crushed than we can be good friends.”

The next time I ran into him when there were other people around.

He said, “We can talk about this later.”

I said, “Don’t feel pressured.”

After they left he said, “Let’s talk about this another time.”

Do you think he doesn’t like me and doesn’t want to hurt me, so he won’t tell me?

—Angie

Hi Angie,

You’re right. He’s not interested.

A real man wants to feel masculine. Receiving a can of Crush with a message may have been cute in grade school, but when a grown woman sends it, it doesn’t make him feel masculine. It just makes him feel like getting away from her.

When a man says, “We’ll talk about this later” or something similar, it means he does not want to discuss that particular topic. Leave him alone!



Hi Lucia,

I met this girl who is kind of sweet but at the same time, weird. Yesterday, after I slept with her, she told me a kinky story about her and her mechanic.

At first I was laughing about it, but now I am thinking that her telling me these things after we just met is completely out of line. I’m really irritated about this.

I am developing strong feeling towards this woman. Am I being too sensitive? I feel bad about all this, and I am questioning myself.

Do you this could work out or better stop dating her now?

—Bernd

Hi Bernd,

I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy ask me if he was being too sensitive! You sound like a feeling-oriented man, which would explain why you are interested in a woman who is in touch with her masculine side.

I will tell you the same thing I would tell anyone who leads with their feelings – let your feelings be your guide. If you are not feeling good about the situation at this early stage when things are supposed to be wonderful, that’s not a good sign.

It’s interesting that you were more turned off by her story than by her sleeping with you after you had just met!

She’s shown you who she is. It’s now up to you whether you want to pursue this or not!



Hi Lucia,

My girlfriend broke up with me and then called me a week later and said she made a mistake and wanted to get back together. I’m not sure what to do.

—Jake

Hi Jake,

There is something called “premature reconciliation.” This is when a couple breaks up and then gets back together right away because they miss each other.

To get back with someone just because you miss him/her, without addressing the reasons that led to the break up, is not a good idea. If your girlfriend was unhappy to the point of feeling the need to end things, there were probably also things you weren’t happy about either.

Take some time to think about what the issues were and whether they are worth working on or not. Only then should you consider a reconciliation.



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