Hi Lucia,

I see this woman almost everyday at the gym, and we constantly exchange looks throughout the one and a half hours we’re there. However, it’s like high school where if I catch her, she’ll look away quickly, or if she knows I’m looking, she’ll do something sexy in my direction!

I finally found the courage to greet her and ask for her name (outside of the gym for privacy, and no eyes!) as she was leaving to go back to work. She faced me with the biggest smile and gave me her name (no hesitation).

I gave her mine, shook her hand and told her it was a pleasure to finally meet her and that she was gorgeous! The smile she had never left her face throughout the conversation, even as she was walking up the stairs as we parted.

How can I tell for sure if she is interested so I can make my move? Are there any other signs I can look for? How can I grab her attention/interest more?


Hi Marcus,

You’re certainly very observant! You’ve already made your move. She definitely seems interested to me.

Now you want to build on that. Do not ask her out just yet. You want to build some anticipation.

When you see her, if it’s convenient and appropriate, have brief conversations with her. That means that if she’s on the other side of the gym, you don’t head over there unless you were already planning on going in that direction. If she’s talking to someone, don’t stand around waiting for them to stop talking. Walk by and wave hello. You don’t want to appear too anxious.

The times you do talk to her, you can observe her body language. Does she show her teeth when smiling, play with her hair, touch herself (not there!) or touch you on the arm, shoulder, etc.? These are all signs that she’s interested, especially if she touches you.

When women are interested in someone, they want to touch him. If they’re not, the last thing they want to do is touch him!

You can ask her out after talking with her for about a week or two if she has shown signs of interest and after you’ve confirmed that she is single. Otherwise, she may be attached and was simply flirting.

Hi Lucia,

There is so much information out there these days about how to behave when you’re dating someone that I’m starting to get confused. Some of it is even contradictory that I don’t know what to believe.

Do you have something easy I can keep in mind so that I can get and keep a partner?


Hi Alessandra,

I know what you mean. Too much analysis leads to paralysis! I do have a way to simplify everything.

There can be no love without respect. You can’t love someone you don’t respect, and if someone doesn’t respect you, they won’t fall in love/stay in love either.

This means that when you are trying to figure out how to handle a situation, ask yourself: If I do/don’t do or say/don’t say this, will I gain respect or lose respect in their eyes? Your goal is to always have the person see you as someone they hold in the utmost esteem.

A woman I know was falling in love with a man until she saw him yelling at one of his employees and being rude to someone in the supermarket. It was downhill from there.

A lot of the dating advice is really about getting and keeping the other person’s respect. This is why you often hear that you should not call back or text back right away, not be available at the last minute for a date, not ask questions such as, “Where were you?,” “Why didn’t you call me?,” “Where is this going?,” etc.

Everyone wants to feel they have a prize, someone valuable. If your words or actions don’t reflect that, then don’t do/say it!

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net.

Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net.

Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.