Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, author, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love".

With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice – after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.


Dear Lucia,

I regularly compliment women and tell them that I am interested in them. Is this the kiss of death? I hear being aloof and standoffish is more intriguing and works better in trying to get a woman’s attention, especially in the beginning.


Dear Richard,

Yes, complimenting women (especially if they’re attractive) when you first meet them is verboten (prohibited); attractive women are used to getting compliments – in fact, they expect them. If you tell a woman you’ve just met that she’s beautiful, the dialogue cloud above her head is thinking, "Tell me something I don’t know." She already knows she’s hot. How do you think she got that way? Do you think she just rolled out of bed like that? Since most guys behave this way, you’ll fall into the category of average and won’t stand out from everyone else.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you’re about a 7 or less on the scale of looks. Why do I think that? Because guys that rate an 8, 9 or 10 rarely compliment women. It’s like meeting an equal. You both know you’re hot, so it doesn’t need to be said. It would be like two geniuses meeting. Do you really think one is going to say to the other: "You’re so smart!" I don’t think so. If you’re in the same league, some things are understood.

By referring to her beauty, you’re sending an unconscious message that you’ve put her up on a pedestal and are intimidated by her, suggesting that she would be doing you a favor by dating you. Well, why should she? She has enough guys in her league available to her. Why should she date you?

What’s the solution? Never comment on a woman’s looks when you first meet her or on the first few dates. If you want to give a compliment, give it for something she doesn’t normally get noticed for. This could be about how smart she is (this works especially well with attractive women since they rarely get compliments for their brains) or how good she is with _________ (children, pets, salespeople, etc.).

The only time I would suggest complimenting a woman you want to meet is if it’s someone you see on a regular basis, such as at school or at the gym. In this case, very confidently go up to her and say something like: "I just want to thank you for making the world a better place with your beauty." After she thanks you, immediately walk away. She’ll be intrigued that you didn’t try to start a conversation with her or get her number. Whenever you see her after that, just smile and say hello. If she doesn’t eventually start a conversation with you, you can start a short one with her, but wait until you’ve been saying hello to each other for several weeks at least.

Are compliments ever appropriate? Of course! After you’ve been dating for awhile, it would be classless not to compliment her on her looks, especially if she’s all dressed up. She probably spent a lot of time getting ready, and if you don’t say anything, she’ll notice and she won’t be too happy about it! Try saying something like: "You’re amazingly beautiful. How did I get so lucky?"

Try this new approach and let me know how it works for you.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Watch Lucia’s show, "The Art of Love," on Adelphia East Valley Public Access, channel 25, on Thursday, May 19 at 10 p.m.

"The Art of Love" is sponsored by JEWELTOPIA, 10873 Pico Blvd. & Glendale Galleria.

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