I just met this great girl in my biology class and want to ask her out. But I need to put together the best date possible so that there’s no way in hell she can say no. I know she likes animals and snowboarding, so maybe something that combines the two? Help!
— Ryan, Northridge
Crash McLarson, The Aquabats: Ryan, this is almost too easy. Take that special lady on a romantic, mountainous adventure. Strap on your new killer snowboard with a Pennywise sticker on it. Traverse out of bounds to a secluded location and shoot deer with a shotgun. If needed, I can provide some delicious venison recipes.
Love Doc: Adding on to Crash’s advice, take her snowboarding to Mammoth Mountain. When you get there, ask their mascot "Woolly" if you can borrow his outfit for the night. When it’s time to do the nasty, jump out dressed in the costume and say, "I want to f**k you like an animal!" That would really get me hot.
I’m trying to think of new ways to please my boyfriend in bed. What are some of the things you’ve heard from other guys as far as what they like to do in bed? Favorite positions and other creative things?
— Sharrin, Hollywood
MC Bat Commander, The Aquabats: Well Sharrin, I personally like creative ideas. For instance, have a "Rambo" night were you dress up like misunderstood Vietnam veteran John Rambo and hide somewhere in your bed waiting with a hunting knife to cut anyone who may be after you! That could be exciting! The other thing you could try is skeet shooting … from your bed. That could be fun.
Love Doc: I’d say turn on a football game, put some sandwiches and beer around the bed, buy some crazy porn flick and get ready to pop it in when the game is over. Just sit in bed nude with him while he’s watching the game, he’ll like that. Then, when it’s all over, it won’t matter what position you’re in, he’ll certainly be ridin’ you like a cowboy.
I’ve just started dating this really hot girl and would like to date her more steadily. I’d like to do something really romantic for her but am not really the romantic type. Any suggestions?
MC Bat Commander: From my experience with college girls, the best thing to do now would be to treat her really poorly, make fun of her anytime you get a chance and make sure she feels stupid in front of your friends. Be a jock and treat her like a sack of day-old donuts.
Then, when she cries or gets mad, buy her flowers and a card that says, "I don’t know what is wrong with me, I am so stupid sometimes. I really think … I care about you." Then if she doesn’t come running back to you with tears of joy in her eyes right away, you’re guaranteed to have a shot with her roommate. Romance has no place in any kind of learning institution. Silly Daniel!
Love Doc: Hey Daniel, romance is dead. It’s totally overrated! I say go take this girl out and go to Vegas for the weekend, then take her to the best male strip club in town. This will not only entertain her, but will also show her that you’re confident enough not to feel threatened by these strippers. After the show, take her back for a late-night drink and just talk. My guess is that she won’t be in the mood to "talk" but will want to "get romantic" all over your body.
—Compiled by Mari Fong
Yo, Check Out This Ride! EP is currently available. The Aquabats will be playing on Dec. 10 at the Ventura Theatre, in Ventura, and Dec. 11 at the El Rey Theatre, in Los Angeles. For more information, visit www.theaquabats.com.
Campus Circle or our special guests are not responsible for the results of taking our advice, nor do we claim to know anything. We just think it’s fun to give random strangers advice.